In this episode, Molly shares her personal journey of training for a marathon despite facing setbacks and challenges. She reflects on the mental and physical obstacles she encountered, including injuries and anxiety, and the internal struggle to overcome them. Molly's story serves as a reminder that perseverance and resilience are not always about achieving a specific outcome but rather about the growth and strength gained through the process. Tune in to hear how Molly's experience redefined her understanding of success and pushed her to reevaluate her relationship with ego and expectations.
In this episode, Molly shares her personal journey of training for a marathon despite facing setbacks and challenges. She reflects on the mental and physical obstacles she encountered, including injuries and anxiety, and the internal struggle to overcome them. Molly's story serves as a reminder that perseverance and resilience are not always about achieving a specific outcome, but rather about the growth and strength gained through the process. Tune in to hear how Molly's experience redefined her understanding of success and pushed her to reevaluate her relationship with ego and expectations.
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Have you ever trained for and finished a marathon or a half marathon or maybe a 5k? If you have, you know, the feeling of crossing that finish line after working so hard on something you only imagined you might complete. It is like no other feeling you're tired and your body hurts.
And you're wondering when it's going to be over, but you can't stop now. You don't want to let down the friends who showed up to cheer you on or the team of people who've been supporting you during your training. So you keep going, you think about your dedication to strengthening your body and your mental capacity to push through these tough moments and you keep going.
You're visualizing all those heavy squats, lunges, and early morning long runs. And your ego is yelling at you to keep going. And so you keep running and you're focusing on one step after the other step. Pick up those feet and gauge your glutes, engage your core and all of these thoughts turn in your head as you're just trying to keep your body upright and moving forward while the voices from the crowd yell, your name, that they only know because it's written on your arm or your leg go, Molly, the pain is temporary.
They scream. They don't know you, but they're cheering for you. They support you. They believe in you, even if you're not sure you believe in you. And their voices swirled together to create some fantastical force that helps hold your body up as you near the finish and cross that line. And as you do all the previous doubts and all the pain subsides. Even if, just for a moment while you take in what you just accomplished. And someone puts a metal over your head and congratulates you as you let out a little cry of disbelief and relief and joy. Your a marathon or a half marathon or a 5k finisher.
You did it. You always knew you would.
But what if you do all that training 📍 and you don't finish. What then.
Welcome to Molly at this age. And itty-bitty version of, I am this age, the podcast proving it's never too late and you're never too old. So go do that thing. You're always talking about. I'm Molly cider. I may certified professional life. Coach speaker storyteller, creator of insightful videos and graduate students. 📍 So what happens if you do all that training and you don't finish what will make of all that hard work? Will it mean you didn't work hard enough?
What about your ability to persevere or your resilience and your grit? If you quit now, does that mean you're not tough enough? You can't hack it. You're lazy. You're a quitter. What is a quitter even mean?
So last December, I signed up to run the Chicago marathon. My very first one. Two months later, I tore my MCL surfing in Florida, just as I was getting ready to start early training. And two months after that I had sinus and septum surgery, both things forced me to postpone training. I had to forego running a half marathon in June.
So while I had planned to enter marathon training season with 13.2 miles under my belt, Instead, I was starting with half of a mile of slow jogging on the grass. While my knee got stronger and my nose healed.
Why am I telling you this good question, dear listeners.
It's because my ego wants you to know my ego would like you to be aware that I intended to run this at a 10 minute mile pace. Not the 12 minute run, walk pace I'm currently at. My ego wants to tell you that I ran my last half marathon in two hours and two minutes.
But my ego doesn't want you to know that that half marathon was 10 years ago. And I'm now a 46 year old woman on the brink of peri-menopause and all the perimenopause entails, including body changes, sleep deprivation and cortisol spiking effects. Yeah.
I was probably never going to run a marathon in under five hours, but my ego would like you to know that there's no way to prove that now because you know, knee injury.
The other reason I'm telling you this is that when I signed up for the marathon, and even when I was in therapy for my knee, I had a really clear vision of what I thought training would look and feel like for me.
And while I've had moments of that vision, come to reality. I have mostly been humbled by marathon training over and over and over again.
I've trained hard for this marathon. I've been thoughtful about cross training and my diet. I've put the miles in and I've done some heavy weightlifting and I'm quite proud of all I've accomplished so far. And for a while, my body was feeling strong and capable, even when my mindset wasn't, I almost quit training a few times because my anxiety was so high that I wasn't sleeping before long runs.
And then it spiked even higher because it's really hard to accept that my mind was the thing holding me back while my body wanted to push forward. It made me feel like a crazy person and that does not help to regulate anxiety. But here is what does.
So I started practicing yoga about 23 years ago, and one of my very first instructors and one of my very first classes said to us, Yoga is about leaving your ego at the door. Forget what everyone else is doing around you. It does not matter. And that idea has stuck with me for all these years. So when my anxiety about running so many miles with spiking in the middle of training, I had to figure out a way to set my ego aside. And permit myself to rest.
But the ego is strong. Dear listeners, and I needed to call in for reinforcement. So I spoke with my coaches and doctors and running friends, and one of them asked me, Molly. If you were sick with COVID, would you run this weekend to which I answered, of course not to what she said, then why would you run now?
You can take a health break for physical reasons or for mental reasons. And that was all I needed to hear. And that is exactly what I did. Just as we were getting into the higher double-digit mileage of training, I took a mental health break.
I slept in, I skipped a long run and it was exactly what I needed to get back on track and eventually finish 20 miles, 20 miles.
Can you believe it?
When I tore my MCL. And I wasn't sure I'd even be able to attempt the marathon. In order to manage my disappointment. I got really clear on the reasons I wanted to run a marathon in the first place. And what I decided was that I wanted to feel strong, healthy, challenged, and accomplished. Uh, marathon is a really obvious way to feel those things, but it is not the only way to feel those things. And so I set out on my marathon journey with the intention of feeling strong, healthy challenge, and accomplished. While letting go of the expectation that I had to complete 26.2 miles in order to feel those things. Remembering my intention. And letting go of the expectation. Is what has gotten me through the rollercoaster of training.
Which brings me to now. We are just a few days out from the marathon and these last few weeks have been stressful. My knee, which had been feeling great for most of training is now angry and inflamed. And this irritating my calf and my ankle. I'm doing everything I'm supposed to do, like skipping some of the long runs on my training schedule and instead focusing on weight, training, physical therapy and rest. But my knee is mad.
I entered it and I barely let it heal. And then I ran lots and lots of miles on it. And now it is yelling at me. 26.2 miles is a lot of miles to run on an angry leg. And I'm not sure I'm going to make it all the way. I'm not even sure I should try. Because trying to finish a race with an injury. Is not leaving your ego at the door.
It's letting the ego teach the class.
I have a lot of incredibly supportive and encouraging people in my life. A lot of them are telling me the things they think I need to hear to stay in the game. Like you're just having the temper crazies. This pain is what happens to everyone in between the 20 miler and the marathon come race day.
The adrenaline will kick in and you're going to be great. And you're going to finish this race.
And while I know that they're just trying to keep me in the game when it seems like I'm looking for a way out. All I really want is for them to tell me how proud they already are of me.
And yes, I know it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. And yes, that's still what I want because I am human and I want to be seen.
And I want. My efforts to be seen.
And listen, whatever happens on Sunday. I'm still me with all my same values and attributes and no one and no experience can take any of that away from me. I'm Molly today and I will be the same Molly the day after the race. No matter what happens. And as someone who is always very clear on my identity, meaning who I am at my core, without all the stuff, which includes marathon metals. I am committed to challenging myself while also keeping myself safe. To choose my wellbeing over my ego. To focus on my intention over any expectations.
People always say the training for a marathon is the marathon and the marathon is the celebration. I am so proud of everything I've accomplished and whatever happens on race day is just a bonus. I'm planning to show up to that start line. And I'm going to give it everything.
I have to cross that finish line and collect that metal, but whatever miles I finish on Sunday, be at 26.2 or something else. We'll be a victory. And if I don't get a medal, I'll just have to make one for myself. 'cause in my mind. As 📍 cheesy as it sounds, I'm already a winner.
Good luck to all the runners at the Chicago marathon this Sunday and all the runners all over the world. If you want to catch me on Sunday. I'll be in the back of the pack, running with the 12 minute milers or as we like to call it, party pays. Feel free to shout out my name and tell me how proud you are. If you love this episode, please share with anyone who might enjoy it, runner or not.
Thank you to Dan Devin for my music, David Harper for the artwork. I 📍 am. This age is produced by jellyfish industries. I'm your host Molly cider until next time. Stay curious everyone.