Adam Baruh joins the pod today to discuss his journey from daily panic attacks to finding a life coach who helped him unpack a traumatic experience from his childhood and how through his personal growth work, he’s strengthened his relationship with himself, his family, and his career. Full transcription is available at www.iamthisage.com In this episode, we discuss: - Panic attacks - Anxiety - Sharing your story - Childhood trauma - Life Coaching - Career - Marriage - Relationships
Adam Baruh joins the pod today to discuss his journey from daily panic attacks, to finding a life coach who helped him unpack a traumatic experience from his childhood, and how through his personal growth work, he’s strengthened his relationship with himself, his family, and his career.
In this episode, we discuss:
- Panic attacks
- Anxiety
- Sharing your story
- Childhood trauma
- Life Coaching
- Career
- Marriage
- Relationships
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Follow Molly on Instagram @mollyatthisage
Follow Adam on LinkedIn at Adm Baruh
Full transcription is available at www.iamthisage.com
Are you feeling stuck or unfulfilled, anxious, wanting something new, but also not sure why you want something new, or what to do with that feeling, or where to even begin figuring it all out?
While you are not alone, I have also felt this way, and just saying this out loud is making me feel a little less panicky. my Guest today has also felt this way. And he's here to talk about how he sorted through all those feelings, put a stop to his panic attacks, changed his internal narratives, which in turn changed and strengthened his relationship to himself, his family, and his career.
And after listening to his story, you will leave changed. 📍 to
welcome to I am this age proof. It's never too late. You're never too old. So go do that thing. You're always talking about. I'm Molly Cider, a certified professional life coach, helping midlifers and beyond make big changes or small internal incremental changes, which will also feel huge.
I am so excited to be back with all new episodes. There is so much great stuff coming up with so many incredible guests. I can't believe agreed to come on my show, but they did. And it is September, which means a change of seasons. And while I always get sad this time of year, I am embracing the change of seasons as an opportunity to change.
Two, if you're feeling the same energy, but also feel like you need a little bit of support, I have client openings this month. Click the link in the show notes to connect directly with me. Let's get through the change of seasons 📍 together.
Now onto the episode, please enjoy.
So my name is Adam Baroo.
Adam is 50, and he works in the podcasting space as well as the tech industry.
And yeah, I have four kids, so I'm quite. Quite busy all the time.
In his thirties, Adam lived in Seattle with his wife and two kids. He was the CEO of a division of NetSuite called SuiteCentric, a division which he created. Adam was busy and from the looks of it, living a successful, happy life. But Adam felt differently on the inside.
I remember a lot of time I was, I would just be like miserable. I'd be like driving home from work and just be like crying in my car because I just was unhappy, but I never, I couldn't figure out why. I just felt like the one thing that I remember was thinking that I wasn't in charge of my life, that I was doing everything for everybody else and that I had let my life get to a point where...
It was not anywhere where I wanted to be. Like I was just on autopilot and my ex wife had graduated from her graduate program and we moved to San Diego. This was, I think like 2008 and. I think within the year we had separated and then, you know, ultimately divorced and, for anybody who's been through that, like it's the worst.
I mean, you know, the first few months, it's just, it's just emotional. You can't help, but just like cry and be sad all the time. But it was around the three or four month mark. I actually, this was the very first. life changing moment that I am, that I look, can look back on and, and. Think, you know, this is where I actually started to put myself on the right path.
Where I stopped kind of feeling sad for myself. And I was like, you know what, this is an opportunity. It's an opportunity to like reinvent myself and try to get myself on the right path that I feel good about. And, you know, interestingly, so one of the things I've always been a super picky eater, probably still am to some extent today, but it's a, a lot.
Better if better is the right word, but, uh, I remember, you know, when I kind of started this, like, you know what, I'm just going to like be on this path of like discovery and self exploration. I remember a very conscious thing that I did with myself, which is, you know what? I know that I'm very guarded and very, I don't have a lot of emotional courage, so I'm going to just be open to anything.
And so if somebody asked me to do something, eat something, I'm just going to say, yes. And we'll see how that goes. And so like fish was the thing I'd never ate fish my entire life. No seafood whatsoever. I just couldn't do it as a kid. It didn't, didn't smell good. Right. And so like within a day of like kind of making that decision, one of my buddies is like, Oh, Hey, you know, me and so and so we're going out for sushi.
Want to join him? Like. Yes. And so immediate love with sushi, like immediate, I'm like, okay, so I get why everyone's digging this. Um, and now I eat seafood all the time, like sushi, salmon, everything like fish tacos. I mean, how can I live in San Diego and not eat a fish taco? So that was, that was my very first, like, you know what, like I am responsible for my happiness and I got to do something about it.
When did the panic attacks start?
So that was much later on. So, one thing going back that I'll just say, cause this led to now this other stage in my forties, um, I'm a firm believer in manifestation. So, you know, when I kind of started this, like, yes, an emotional courage, like testing myself, putting myself out there to be vulnerable and, uncertain about things.
It actually, I was able like, and it wasn't a conscious thing, but I manifested. A lot of like, amazing things in my life, like my current wife came out of that, right? And so I met her, I think it was 2011 and within a year and a half we were married. We were talking before about, you know, we got married in Italy.
So like, you know, one of the things too, when I, when I split with my ex, I had started doing wedding photography. For the same friend who invited me out for sushi, just like random, total random thing. I wasn't into photography. I loved photography, but I wasn't a photographer. Never showed interest. Didn't have any good equipment.
Buddy asked me to shoot his wedding. I'm like, all right, well I want to do a good job. So I kind of practiced and researched and bought a good camera and a whole career came out of that. Like I was a wedding photographer for 10 years. And the last wedding that I actually, Can't remember. No, it is the second to last wedding that I photographed was in Italy in the same castle in Eastern Tuscany where I got married So, my wife and I got to travel because she was a wedding photographer as well We got to travel the world all through the u.
s Anyway getting to your question about the anxiety So let's let's kind of consider that for the bulk of my career, I've been in IT consulting specifically around this NetSuite space and, and myself personally, like a developer.
So a lot of technical type of stuff, been doing that for 17 years. I got into that in 2006. So then got into wedding photography. I was doing both for a while, but for about two and a half years, I did leave the NetSuite space and go full, full into wedding
photography. And then. Just financially that actually kind of like ended up being very harmful to me.
Um, I ended up having to declare a bankruptcy Primarily just you know trying to make the photography thing work and you know Ultimately I had to like pull the plug on it and get my life back on track So I got back into the net sweet thing. This was about in 2013 I believe and for about a couple of years, I ended up, you know, just working at a NetSuite partner company, you know, not running my own company.
And then had an opportunity to then create my own company, SweetCentric, that I mentioned before. So this was now early 2017. I formed SweetCentric. And I'm the CEO, not a natural place for me. Okay. I'm a creative person. My degree is in like environmental studies. I work for the national park service.
Like that's more where I see myself. And so I dealt with a lot of imposter syndrome in the first You know, four or five years of running sweet centric, I just didn't really feel comfortable in that role. I thought I had to be and project something else that wasn't didn't really align with me. And so ultimately, I think the anxiety stuff really started with that.
So now this was where it really started was in late 2019. After my now three and a half year old was born. He's my fourth kid. I at the time, Was working like 70 to 80 hours a week. And with, you know, him being a newborn, I was working on this project, um, where we had a team of people in India. So I was, I'd work all day and then shut down at five, you know, go do the whole family thing, get the kids to bed, get back on the computer till about one in the morning.
And because I was up a lot late at night. You know, I told my wife, I'm like, look, I'll, I'll try to take, take the brunt of his nighttime awakenings. Since I'm already up, so 70 hours or 80 hours a week, working about three hours a night, sleeping, um, just all the anxiety and responsibility for running my company and keeping everybody else on my team employed.
And, and then the pandemic hits, right? I mean, I was already in kind of like a place of I started getting the anxiety attacks actually a couple months before the pandemic, but now the pandemic hits and I mean, you can imagine, obviously, it just amplified
I Believe where it started just was like in the act of laying down to finally go to sleep at like two in the morning after working and taking care of my newborn and, , you know, I knew that my sleep time was so precious and minimal that if I didn't fall asleep right away, that's what would trigger all of a sudden I would feel a massive amount of claustrophobia and I, you know, I, it's just, you know, a feeling of terror, like pure terror,
Yeah.
as if I'm being attacked by a lion.
Like, that's what it felt like in my body and in my mind.
Did you know that you were having a panic attack like when you were laying in bed that night? like did you know what it
yeah, no, I mean, I knew I was having an anxiety attack and I knew that I was in a just in general I Know that I was in like just this Increased heightened state of anxiety that was like almost persistent Because also around this same time frame this guy that used to work for me Who only worked for me for four months?
I had terminated him and So this was around the time that, um, he had filed a lawsuit against me and that was just very stressful. That's still ongoing, by the way. Four and a half years later, that lawsuit is still like the, unfortunately the trial was just continued. It was supposed to start last Friday and it's been continued to January.
I'm kind of feeling held hostage to it, but that lawsuit has been a massive. Massive stress inducer for me anxiety producer, but the interesting thing and I can get into this a little bit later on. I think now I actually, and this is weird to say, but I, I'm kind of grateful for the experience because, um, I've been able to, like, step away.
And not let the anxiety bother me anymore. And just know that I have to get to the other side. I've learned a lot of big, huge life lessons as going through this and, you know, some other experiences that are, are really game changers for me right now.
I remember, I was 40 when I had my first panic attack and I knew it was happening also. I knew it was a panic attack, but I was also like, , what can a panic attack do to you? Can you die from a panic?
Like I didn't know what to do. I was like, do you go to a hospital? Like what happens? I starting
to not be able to feel my fingers. And luckily I was with a good friend of mine who was really supportive. You know, obviously I eventually came down from it, but it took me a few months to, like, fully come down from this panic attack.
Like, there was, like, a few months, I remember, where I was, like, hyper aware that literally anything could sort of set me off. I could start panicking at any moment. For no reason at all. And that felt really scary. And like, I got to talk, I got, I have to get this out. And so I started just telling everyone I ran into, like all of my friends, anyone I talked to, I'm like, guess what happened? I had a panic attack. Have you ever had a panic attack? And literally every single person that I asked was like, yeah. And I
was like, I remember being like, Why don't I know about it? And like, why aren't we talking about this? Because that is, you know, for me, that was the only thing that helps. And of course,
There are studies out there that say like one of the best ways, fastest ways to regulate your, your nervous system is to just talk about
hundred percent. I mean,
Why don't we talk about it? I mean, to be honest, like that's my podcast was born out of that experience and the talking about it and, and the openness and vulnerability is what helped me heal like 100%. But why don't we talk about it as a society more? It's, nothing to be shameful for at all.
Yeah, my, the first time I. Had a panic attack was about five years ago. I feel like it's changing a little bit. Like, I feel like people are starting to talk more and especially after the pandemic, there's a little more conversation about, there's a, there's a lot more conversation around mental health in general and like anxiety.
And, I think it's taken, people like us who are like, let's build a platform. Let's build a podcast. Let's talk about this stuff. Cause that's one of the reasons that I started this podcast
So can I ask you something then?
Um, were you able to, from that experience trace where it came from for you?
In terms of tracing it back like you did, which we're going to get to in a minute no, I don't, I didn't have like a big sort of like, event, like traumatic event.
My first panic attack came after many nights in a row of dinners and wine and staying up late and now I have to be careful about how much I consume, but also really important is that just because we haven't had a glaringly large traumatic life event doesn't mean we're not dealing with big traumatic emotions.
I am very lucky I didn't have one big thing happen to me. What I did experience throughout my life, starting as a child, sounded more like this. You're too sensitive. Get over it. Move on. What you're feeling isn't a big deal. Or someone saying or doing something that made me think they didn't believe me when I was feeling sad or mad or some other big emotion.
And those things, even when coming from people who love us or who we love, especially when coming from people who love us can be traumatizing. And if not worked out and understood will often eventually manifest in some form of emotional instability or anxiety. Okay. Now back to Adam and panic attacks.
Yay.
If it's just like, as we get older, maybe we can't, you know, where our nervous system is less able to endure it. Cause I think, looking back over, you know, my whole life, especially my adult life, like I, there's been equal amounts of trauma and anxiety, um, that I've experienced that never resulted in an anxiety attack until.
I was what, 46, 47 years old. I wonder if just like, maybe we get to a point. Where our nervous system is not able to just you know, shed it off anymore.
you know, The other thing too, I was, putting two and two together. I mean, I, also was drinking, I mean, I was, my wife and I enjoy the wine, right?
So I think we, it wasn't uncommon for us to like put down a bottle of wine a night. You know, split between two people. It's like only two and a half classes, but you know, when you're doing that on an almost nightly basis, plus I was smoking a lot of pot at the time. I mean, it's like, go figure like pot is, paranoia and anxiety inducing in and of itself.
So, just some things that I've cut out you know, I don't drink nearly as much wine, don't smoke pot really at all anymore. I think those things have helped. But just all the other work that I've done, I think, you know, knock on wood, I don't, you know, experience some experience with them again, but I think I've, I think I've got it under control now.
Yeah. there's so much like when we're it's unresolved trauma, right? Like, that maybe it's. That our bodies can't handle that anymore, but also maybe it's like we're so like flooded and overwhelmed with, with stuff that we haven't dealt with.
Our bodies, our minds are like a container and we can only hold so much until we blow up or explode or
overflow.
that's the word. Yeah, the word there is capacity. Um, and that's, I think that's the key. And in fact if you or your audience has ever heard of Irene Lyon, I actually interviewed her husband on my podcast, The Change irene and Seth, her husband, are both nervous system experts, somatic healers and one of the things that she talks about a lot is capacity. And so just I think maybe that's the thing. I think as we get older, our capacity gets reduced for dealing with, with trauma and stress.
How long had you been suffering before you decided to get help?
I feel like that was around six months,
What was the thing that made you finally decide to seek help?
So as you were talking about, you had kind of touched on this before I think once you start having anxiety attacks, they're able to come on a lot easier and more frequent. It like kind of opens up these neural pathways that like, make it more frequent and just, come out.
And so that, I mean, I was getting these attacks like almost on a daily basis now. And the one thing that this was. Interesting, so like, my wife was just a source of healing for me, like, she would, able to bring me down, just being next to her, or like, I would hold her hair. I don't know, that's a weird thing to say, but like, it did calm me down.
But I would go, like, crying to her. Like, crying, just like, with a feeling that,
How am I gonna ever be right again? Like, it's just getting worse and worse. Where's this gonna lead to?
It was bleak. Like, I, I never had suicidal thoughts, but it was bleak. you know, I'm still working on this, this project with the Indian team that I mentioned before you know, through now, March of 2021, and I'm like the lead developer, the lead architect, the lead project manager, I'm also CEO of my company dealing with benefits, payroll, bookkeeping, like HR, like all of this stuff, and I kind of realized in March of 2021, like, I can't Do this anymore.
I can't take on everything that I'm taking on. I have to get ahead of this. I actually have to make changes in my life and seek help because I can't continue to expect that one day things will just slow down and I'll be fine again. Like this has to stop. And so I get to my computer one day. So I had these thoughts about, you know, maybe I need a coach.
I don't know what I need. I had had thoughts that I need to get this under control. Like I need to be the catalyst to make that happen. And so, you know, something that I experienced a lot, and I'm sure you do too, and it's not unique to me, but I, because I'm a CEO, I get solicited on LinkedIn, like for a coach, like five or six times a day.
It's like out of control. Right. So I ignore. Every, every one of those, like, I'm just like, delete, delete, delete. Right. And so I, you know, I'd had these thoughts about needing a coach and I, I'm sitting at my laptop one morning and all of a sudden this ding ding comes up on LinkedIn, like Kristen Taylor, executive coach.
And for some reason I just kind of paused for a second and I'm like, huh, well, maybe I'll check out her website. So I go to check out the website. I liked. Her approach, you know, I didn't know anything about mindfulness at the time, but she talked about using mindfulness and, you know, she's more of an executive coach.
And so I felt, you know, if she's worked with other executives, she kind of like knows the shit storm that I deal with every day.
So I reached out we made a plan, I think I was pretty busy at the time, but we made a plan to, to get together in April of 2021 and start meeting. We used to have these sessions on Friday afternoons for like an hour.
I'm talking to her about, you know, my split with my ex wife and how rough I know that that was on my now older kids, adult kids.
But at the time they were like nine and six, something like that. And especially on my six, now 21 year old, like he had a rough time with it. You know, it was just, he didn't know how to regulate through it. And I just, I was talking to Kristen and I'm like, you know, I just feel so guilty even though this was now like 12 or 13 years after the fact, like, I'm like, I still feel so guilty about it.
And she just posed a question, which literally is the thing that unlocked And completely changed the trajectory of my life. She said, well, do you think you feel guilt around that, Adam? Or do you feel shame? And I'm like, I don't, I don't know. Like, what's the difference? She kind of described it for me, and I'm paraphrasing her, but something along the lines of, You know, guilt is like a, something we feel bad about that.
We kind of like still carry a little bit, but shame is more where identities and belief systems get created from.
Yeah. Guilt as I did And shame as I am.
yeah, good. Perfect. I like that. So I just, you know, we went about, we finished our session. I just kind of went about the rest of my Friday and. Went home, did the whole family thing, got kids to sleep and Friday's nights were usually when I'd kind of binge a couple of shows.
And so my wife was asleep and I finish up the show at about midnight, totally quiet in my house. It's like, you know, the lighting is low and I turn off the TV and just right when I turned off the TV, I, that earlier conversation with Kristen kind of came back in my mind, guilt, shame. I'm like. Do I feel shameful for anything?
And it was as soon as I voiced that thought in my head, looking back, I, I think, you know, I'm very much a believer in spirit and I think my higher self was like, he's ready to now process what happened,
before we hear Adam's big traumatic childhood event, I just wanted to point out that so much of our healing and our moving forward, whether in therapy or with coaching, happens in between sessions. That's really important to remember, especially if you're new to this process. Okay, I'll stop talking.
Let's hear Adam's story. It's a really important one.
which was when I was six years old my parents had recently split and my mom had hired this teenage boy to come babysit so she can go out and as soon as my mom would leave, this kid would, uh, Lock me in my mom's walk in closet.
Shut off the lights. It's pitch black dark in there. You barricade the door for hours, okay?
Crazy.
now I'm like, oh my god, I'm having claustrophobic panic attacks and I Immediately remembered the feeling of being in the closet and being terrified and banging on the door to get let out I don't know why I never made the connection to that event, but clearly, clearly night and day, that is what caused the claustrophobic and tidy attacks.
Right? And worse to that is, you know, one of the times he had invited a bunch of his friends over and they were doing some pretty hardcore drugs. I remember finally when they let me out seeing people bongs and like I'm six years old. I know what this stuff is, but I know what a rubber hose around someone's arm with needles is not good.
And then, you know, they thought it would be funny to molest me, right? So, the idea that I rea well, what I realized in that, that night when everything came together for me is like, Oh my God, my life of negative self talk, my life of sadness and thinking I wasn't worthy of anything. Is because I'm pretty sure that I blamed that whole thing on myself.
I, I don't know why. I took the blame completely on it. But, like, in that moment when I was having this revelation, I was like, Holy shit. I was a victim. I'm not to blame.
I was six. I didn't know about any of that stuff. I'm not to blame. It's not my fault.
Wow. Thank you for sharing that. I'm always talking about like sharing your story and how important it is to share your story. Especially those big impactful stories.
And, um, it's often because we feel some shame around it, right? Like we often feel like we're bad and we are, we've already sort of made the decision. We've already Decided what the story means about ourselves and so then we fear that if we share that story with the world, the world will then reflect back at us what we already know to be true about ourselves, which again is like that.
We're bad. We're to blame. We're,
you know, whatever the negative thing is. And so we keep it in and we hide it.
I did. I hid it for, I never talked to my ex wife or anybody about it. I wasn't, I wasn't blocked out from it, but I never thought it had any impact on the rest of my life. But now I know it had the most profound impact.
Can you talk about, the difference between, like, the story you had been telling yourself all those years since that childhood experience versus, like, who you believe you are today after this realization? Like, what did it do for your sense of
Yeah.
Yeah.
I never had confidence, just, profound negative self talk. Um, never feeling worthy, never feeling good enough, always comparing myself to others and thinking that everybody had it, like total victim mentality, right? And once I realized that it wasn't my fault, that I was a victim of what happened, I mean, it wasn't like over, like immediately I was like, I had all this confidence.
I mean, it still took. a long time to get there, but at least I recognized, like the recognition was so important in, in my journey to just, start the process of healing. So Kristen used to do this, um, exercise with me called RAIN. And I think Tara Brock is like, who came up with this acronym and this concept.
Recognize, RAIN stands for Recognize, Allow, Investigate, and Nurture. And the nurture part of it is What was hardest for me, but where the most healing Came from, which is just positive self talk. It's like, you, you can use this rain concept, you know, if you're running, if you're in a jam, if you're in like a bad place mentally, or you have a problem you're trying to figure out, you can use this rain concept to kind of like process through it.
And so, even to this day, I use it like, you know, when my kids are tough and I'm, I go into like a state of mind where I'm like, I'm 50. Like I. Some of my friends like are empty nesters, like enjoying their lives. And I have young kids and I'm so tired and my body's aching. And I start to go down that path.
I'm able to catch myself now and, and use, you know, that rain process. And, and the words I'll now use are, you know, you're doing the best you can, like you're actually doing quite well and making such a positive impact. And yeah, you are 50 and you have young kids and it's hard and probably nobody really gets.
It's what you're going through, but you're doing a good job and you're doing the best you can.
Yeah. Changing our internal narrative changes our, outside experiences.
But it doesn't happen overnight. I mean, I work on the same thing, like When we've been thinking in, in the same way for an entire life it takes a really long time to untangle that stuff and to change the patterns.
And, you know, I love the rain idea because it starts with like, you have to recognize it like, Oh, look what
I'm doing right now. I'm, I'm, doing that thing that I used to do that I'm, I don't want to do anymore.
But also like maybe once in a while I'm, I am just going to like sit in my victimhood for a minute because I just need to be here for a minute,
but also giving myself permission to be in this for a minute and also telling myself you know, I don't want to be here for too long.
Like the minute you sort of like pop out of. That like space that you're in or at least this works for me because I used to like kind of lived live in like that victim
space too a lot and once in a while I go back there because it feels almost like home even though it's a
Well, I think that's normal too. Yeah.
yeah totally it is and there's something to that like there's like a regrouping that happens and like that in that like victim moment. But also, when I recognize it and I'm like, okay, I'm, look what I'm doing. I'm in that, like, victim space right now. And then I'm like, I'm going to let myself be in this space for a minute. Like, I'm just going to allow myself to do it. But I'm recognizing what I'm doing. And almost immediately, I'm like, out of that space, that headspace. Like, it's the moment that you sort of take a look at what you're doing. Where you are, you know, the space that you're in mentally now you're sort of separate from it, you know?
So that's the a part of brain allow and accept because, um, and you just touched on it beautifully. It's like, there is so much negative energy generated by fighting away from a feeling or a situation. But when you just say, ah. It is what it is. What can I learn from it? And you get curious about it, like that's what opened the door to look, you know, healing and growth.
Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Get curious. That's the most important part. How did all of this affect or change your relationship with your family?
So just the revelation, like although it, it started a whole series of changes and discoveries in my life it did take a good almost two years to get to a point where I'm now kind of stable with the changes. Because it, like, it just unlocked what it did, like more than anything was I got very protective of myself throughout the process.
Like, I don't know if swearing is okay to do, but I became a very much a zero fucks given type of person. Like, and nobody, nobody can penetrate like the veil of me being like comfortable and happy in my own body. And, but that had. a negative counteraction in my family,
Cause I, kind of went down this path of feeling, you know, my wife and I had had a lot of challenges.
And in fact, a couple months ago we went and had a counseling appointment which. You know, it was very beneficial. But even against her, like where I thought I was being taken advantage of in certain situations with watching the kids or whatever, I was like, Nope, like I, I just, I went in the opposite direction.
Um, and it wasn't until I kind of like learned how to harness that
and bring it back and actually like stop trying to just always be in this protective. Mode for myself that I got back to a good place. So this was actually around a lot of, like my wife and I like she'll probably say, say the same thing, but I think both of us got pretty close to considering divorce just a couple of months ago.
And we went to this counselor and I haven't followed up with her. Cause I'd like to tell her that just even the one session, I think really kind of helped things. You know, she, we, we talked about this, like. sense of overprotectionism that I've made for myself, which, came out of like good reasons for doing so, but I kind of went way too far with it.
Where I, you know, now I kind of recognize that I was doing that. And, you know, she said something that I thought was pretty beautiful that like she was describing, you know, a study that had been done with married couples. And she's like, often what we see is that with married couples, where they're successful is when the wife, you know, wants to like be able to kind of influence her husband and when the husband out of just growth and curiosity and learning is willing to go and follow that influence.
And I think for so long. I was, I had rejected that because it felt to me like I was being taken advantage of but now she just kind of reframed the narrative in my mind and I was like, okay, I mean, I get, what my wife had been trying to do, which was like normal and natural. I think I just was reading something else completely into that.
Once again, I like to say, changing our internal narratives changes our external experiences. How'd that work out for you, Adam?
So we couldn't be better. I think the kids are a lot better for it too, because it just, you know, especially my seven and a half year old, like poor thing. I mean, you know, she is very emotionally intelligent and aware as a seven and a half year old to, to see what is going on. And, you know, the poor thing also doesn't get much attention since her little brother has been born.
So, now my wife and I. Because we've like had such a great resolution and like growth and healing out of this, like we're completely on the same page. She might remind me that I'm not always on the same page with some of the things I do, but that's
That's
and normal.
But uh, um,
sounds so normal, like, what you were, like, because you were still figuring it out. Sounds like you were, first
it takes a while.
You went from kind of one extreme to another. The pendulum swung, like, a little too far before it came
I didn't know how to regulate it.
yeah, which That's what we do.
Like, that's what, that's normal. Like, when we're still figuring things out,
So how are you feeling these days?
So since my wife and I like really have gotten a lot closer through just You know, being on the same page together a lot more. Also I turned 50 kind of around this timeframe a couple of months ago. It's things have gotten really interesting. So. I mentioned this lawsuit, just massive amount of stress.
There's potential for, you know, there's a lot of money at stake with this, and there's a lot of jobs at stake with my employees and my partner. So one, one of the kind of things that came about because, you know, interestingly, the trial was supposed to start in March and then it got continued to may, and now it's still January.
I got to a place where I'm like, eh, it is what it is. You know what? Like maybe instead of like fighting and getting so stressed out about this event, I have to go through it and get to the other side. And if nothing else, at least I'm kind of closer than ever to getting to the other side and whatever happens, I'll figure it out.
Like, the story with money that I've learned in my, in my life is that it always comes and goes. And so whatever happens, whatever the result is, I'll be fine. Like, so that's, that's a level of like, I don't want to use the word wisdom because I think it sounds a little pretentious, but I feel like I have gained a sense of, of wisdom through just experiences that I've had
where.
fair. That's
I'm, I'm like, like that and the stress of running this company. And I mean, I'd run four companies. So it's like,
pretentious or not I personally think not Adam has wisdom. So what wisdom has Adam gained from all these events in his past and recent history?
All of these things that have been going on in my life. They all have lessons and they all are trying to get me on some path of discovery.
And. You know, sharing and healing, not for just myself, but to be able to use what I've learned and, and help others. So one of the big things is, as much as I love San Diego, and there's a lot to love here, it doesn't really connect with my soul.
So I've, I've had on my radar to move back to the San Francisco Bay Area where I'm from. For a long time, but you know, when I split with my ex, I was like, well, I'm not going to move there until my older kids are graduated high school. And then I got remarried and started, a new family and a business and, you know, for this, that, the other thing, like I'm still here in San Diego.
So through, just what I'm learning and what I'm like trying to discover right now is just, hey, you know what just make it happen. Take this as like these experiences like an opportunity to like start a new chapter.
And so we are Very much considering moving to the Bay Area.
I think we're gonna do the next school year here But then then make the move which is a big deal Like I've got my mom that I moved here from Phoenix to San Diego about a year and a half two years ago So like we're gonna have to move her up there. You know, there's a lot to figure out but plus, you know, I'm considering selling my company, sweet time track, or at least my, my partnership interest in it just because truly like the biggest lesson that I've learned is I don't want to be doing stuff anymore that, that doesn't fill my cup.
And as much as I love this work in the net sweet space. Our identity changed about three years ago, our business model and kind of went away from that and are something else, which doesn't really fill my cup.
What I know more than anything right now is I only want to be doing things that feel good to me and that fill my cup.
And I don't care if I'm making a ton of money, like it's not a part of it, I just want to be doing something that makes, that feels good to me because by doing so, I will be a better friend, a better father, a better brother, a better husband, a better whatever, like,
That's right.
I, and I just, I don't think for, I think for so long, I haven't been the best version of those things because, I wasn't in the space that I am right now,
That's right. Everything is connected. 100%.
For all you new listeners out there, this is the time I ask the guest to introduce descriptors like dad, husband business owner.
Why? Because while we often identify as those things, our real identity are the reasons that drive us to seek those things. We are not our successes or failures, our titles or our hobbies, and when we begin to understand this, it becomes so much easier to let go, try new things, ideas, change directions, etc.
Because we are still honoring who we are at our core, even when we lose a job, or leave a relationship, or change hobbies. Anyway, here's Adam's answer.
So I'm Adam Baru. I am 50. I'm a curiosity seeker. I'm an empath. I am a sensitive soul. I'm a healer. I'm a storyteller
and I'm a builder.
Where can people find you?
LinkedIn is probably the best place to find me. So if anybody wants to follow up, like I'm happy, just send me a DM and I'll reply to you personally. I'm also on Instagram and all that, all the stuff. So yeah, I'm happy to connect with anybody that this story may have 📍 resonated with.
I love talking to Adam and if you'd like to talk to him too, all of his information will be in the show notes. And if you're like, wait, who is this Kristen person? Yes, that is coach Kristen Taylor from episode 42 and all of her information is in that episode's show notes. So go check that out.
Y'all, listen, if you are loving this show, please send it around to all your people who are also struggling and wanting more, feeling stuck, feeling icky, hopeless, etc., because the more that we grow, the more we can help you and all your people grow.
Thank you to Dan Devon for the music, David Harper for the artwork, I Am This Age is produced by Jellyfish Industries, I'm Molly Sider, catch you all next time.