Stephanie Greenwood started a business, bought houses, leased commercial spaces, and had new cars under her name, most of which she was manipulated into by her ex-boyfriend. We’ve all be in relationships we stayed in for too long, so find out how, after 17 years, Stephanie finally found the courage to leave her emotionally abusive relationship, start over in a healthy relationship, and have a baby (unexpectedly) in her 40’s!
Stephanie Greenwood started a business, bought houses, leased commercial spaces, and had new cars under her name, most of which she was manipulated into by her ex-boyfriend. We’ve all be in relationships we stayed in for too long, so find out how, after 17 years, Stephanie finally found the courage to leave her emotionally abusive relationship, start over in a healthy relationship, and have a baby (unexpectedly) in her 40’s!
Release your secret ickiness here:
https://www.mollysider.com/contact-us
Find Stephanie's Bubble & Bee Here:
Raise your hand. If you've ever been in a relationship, you knew wasn't exactly right, but you stayed in it anyway. Raise your hand again, if you doubled down on that relationship by putting in effort, hoping that your partner would eventually change. Okay, one more time. Raise your hand. If the reason you put more effort into that relationship is because you feared it had been so long or you felt too old to leave or ever be able to find that happy relationship you secretly dreamed of.
While my friends, my guest today has a riveting story about her emotionally abusive 17 year relationship. And how she finally got out of it and is living a life she never dreamed she could have and how if she can do it. So can you.
Welcome to I Am Ahis Age: Proof you are never too old to make a big change. I'm Molly Sider a certified professional life coach and a living and breathing change maker in my forties. Look, I talk a lot on here and out in the world about how important it is to tell your story.
So it's time that we normalize talking about ourselves. It's important. And if that scares you, because you have something inside of you that feels icky, that you are afraid to share with the world, because you're afraid of how the world will reflect back at you. While that's normal. We have been taught to keep things inside, to keep our emotions private. When all that really does is feed that negative. Self-talk.
And so if you're any of the things, I just mentioned, click the link in the show notes, and I'll send you information on how you and I can work together to release that secret ickiness without it destroying your life. In fact. It's going to change your life for the better in ways you could never imagine. So click that link in the show notes or below!
https://www.mollysider.com/contact-us
and now without further ado and because this story is just so good.
Please enjoy Stephanie Greenwood.
My name is Stephanie Greenwood. I am 43 and I just became a mom at 42. And I own . Yeah,
Yay.
And I own my own business called Bubble and be organic. We make organic bath and body products.
Thanks for coming.
And obviously DP is here.
Hi, what's going on? Oh, this is where I introduce myself.
I don't know.
David. T just turned 40. Not as cool as Stephanie.
So let's jump to her.
Okay, let's jump to her.
In 2007, Stephanie and her then boyfriend started their bath and body company called Bubble and B. It grew quickly to a seven digit sales figure, but by 2015 the market had changed. Business was still moving, but slowing down, which was scary because at the time Stephanie owned. Two houses leased three commercial spaces and had two car payments, all of which were solely in her name and most of which her boyfriend had convinced her.
Were good ideas.
it was a big hole that I felt I was in, and he was kind of the master of creating problems that then he was the only solution to.
And so it was very hard to get out of that hole that had been created. So, yeah, like in, in 2014, he convinced me to buy this second home that was about 350 miles away from the Salt Lake area where I'm in it started out as we're going to find a place for my mom to live.
I want my mom to move from Arizona to St. George so she can be closer to us. So we're going to go on a house shopping trip for my mom. So I go, okay, you know, we'll have a nice little vacation. We'll go look at houses for his mom. And then it slowly turned into, well, we're looking for houses for us to share with my mom.
And so we're, trying to look for this big house. She can have half of it. We'll have half of it as a vacation home. It'll be fun to, to have. And oh, I promise I'll, get rid of this one car. We'll get rid of this payment, we'll get rid of this payment and it won't be any extra money, and we'll just buy this house.
And then my mom will share it with us and it'll be a shared cost. And that was not what we had started out with. But he would come at me from all directions and, um, guilt me in and coerce me into doing, making huge financial decisions that I wouldn't have made on my.
Yeah.
and it would be like I want this relationship with my mom.
You know, we've had hard times and I wanna finally be close to her and basically like, let me be with my mommy and crying. So in 2014, we buy this house and it's a gorgeous house in a gorgeous neighborhood.
It's kind of a luxury home. And his stepdad then ends up in a wheelchair from his diabetes and he says, no she's not moving in. She's, you know, I don't want that wheelchair ruining this house. So now he doesn't let her move in. And so now we have this whole house payment to take care
Wait, so now you had the two houses.
So now this is the second home.
Oh my God.
The first home I bought in 2005.
Stephanie's boyfriend was doing most of the spending and barely any lifting while she had a feeling something wasn't quite right. It took a while for Stephanie to understand, admit and accept what was really going on here, but when she finally did, Stephanie's boyfriend hit back.
The lawsuit was like a hundred pages long. He was basically throwing everything at the wall and just hoping that something would stick.
okay.
Even though we were never married, he saw our relationship as a marriage and wanted half of everything.
But the problem is he had a distorted view of what half was. He kept saying, I want 50 50, I want 50 50. Well, what does that mean? Do you, does that also mean that you're going to take 50% of the debt as well?
Yeah.
So I'm gonna rewind back to 2005 when I bought the first house.
Mm-hmm.
So we, it was a for sale by owner and we bought it from, you know, he was a man who was very well to do and my boyfriend. He convinced him to loan us a hundred thousand dollars to put into the house to fix it up. And guess whose name that was in? It was in my name. He had a trust fund that he was going to get in 2011, and he said, oh, just pay you back when I get my trust fund money. 2011 comes along and he doesn't pay it back. he convinces this guy that loaned us the money. Oh, we're good for it. You know, we have this booming business you'll get paid back. And he was okay with it. And so instead of paying back the money that he was supposed to pay back he, you know, he's buying motorcycles and ATVs and just tons of things with that trust fund money.
And I'm seeing that money de diminish and. I'm still on the hook for it, so it makes it even harder for me to break up that relationship because not only do I have a house that he tore apart, he started saying, oh, I wanna move the kitchen into the living room. So I had to tear out this wall so that I could see if I could do that.
Every single wall in the house that was not load bearing was torn out of that house. I had electrical wires sticking out. I had nails, I had subfloor with carpet tack. The flooring had been pulled out. This house had been completely torn apart in the name of, we're going to fix it. But then he turns around and says, oh, this house is a piece of crap and it's not even worth fixing up, and it needs to be demolished and torn down.
So for 10 years, I have, I can't have family over, I don't even have like a living room with a TV and a couch. I'm living on like a mattress on the floor. I have animals, and it's just a mess. It is complete chaos. I can't, and it makes me more socially isolated because I have such an embarrassing house.
I can't have friends over, I can't have a family dinner.
Right.
But it was always under the guise of we're making these sacrifices so that we can build a business so that we can have something bigger and, you know, we need to make the sacrifices now.
Yeah.
But after so long of making those sacrifices, I started to realize that something was wrong.
Yeah. And you mentioned to me that you had only really ever thought of abuse as physical and not emotional. What was the realization like when you, when it occurred to you that, oh no, this is an abusive relationship. This is an emotionally abusive relationship.
you know, at one point I had started reading about emotional abuse in like, 2004. And I said, well, you know, this really seems familiar. And I said to him, you know, I think you're emotionally abusive. And he was like, oh, I'm so hurt. Yeah. Yeah. I'm so hurt. I can't believe that you would say that about me.
I love you so much. I'm so very hurt. And he just, flew off the handle. I was, I had no friends. I was in a completely new state away from my family. I was living in Arizona at the time, so I went. .Okay. Since you say you're not being abusive. Okay. , I guess you're not.
You're originally from Utah, you said?
yes. I'm originally from Utah and all my family is up here and I lived with him in Arizona for five years for the, that's where I met him.
Got
And so in 2014, 2015, we had this house. We had the second house. I have one house that's demolished. I'm underwater on it. I have a hundred thousand dollars personal loan that I owe to this guy. Still. I have all of these car payments because he was like, oh, we're gonna have this car as a delivery vehicle for the business.
I don't know. At one point I think we had five cars and it was just ridiculous. And so now we have the second house. And I said, if you start to tear apart this second house, I will lose it. And guess we started doing, he started to tear apart. This second house kicked his mom out, said, we, she, she can't live with us, and now we have this whole payment.
And then he starts putting money into the yard, into the backyard, and. He starts building on common area that belonged to the H O A. He's like, oh, we're just gonna move the fence here. And he didn't get h o a approval before he started doing all this construction. In the backyard. He starts getting like, you know, where you can do faux rock that's on top of chicken wire and you know, you do the concrete and every, he started making this huge structure on property that wasn't even ours.
So now we're in a legal battle with the H O A and this legal mess.
I'm like getting hives. Just
I know he has no sense of like his own, I don't know, space or,
No,
no.
any sort of common
he diagnosed with anything? Official
Not officially, but I mean
like li after.
Clearly
Yeah. Living with him. I'm like, okay, I'm pretty sure this is N P d, narcissistic Personality disorder because the rules never seemed to apply to him.
yeah. So all of these things were, so, all of these things were happening and you were sort of slowly catching on, like, okay, this doesn't seem right, or this is weird, or this is rude, or this is emotionally abusive. But I think it's pretty normal to you know, if you're, if you've been so, like, intertwined with somebody in a relationship for so long, I think it's pretty normal to take a while to really recognize this isn't working.
There's something wrong with
It definitely does.
So I'm curious, what was like the final straw that made you finally end the relationship? Was it one final thing he did or said? Or was it, something that someone else said that sort of flipped a switch, like, I gotta get out of this? Or what was it?
I definitely had a meltdown in 2015, so I have all this going on in the background. Oh yeah. I didn't even mention the business units that he tore apart. He had me lease two business units, um, commercial buildings, and he's like, oh, we're gonna grow the business. We're gonna grow the business, so we need to expand our warehouse.
So he started tearing up these two commercial units with the intent of fixing them up, tore them out, gutted them, and then abandon the project. So now I'm paying for buildings that I can't get out of, and that I also can't use, I can't give them back to the landlord. And they're filled with his stuff.
He spent all this money on the second house. I have my house torn apart. I have the commercial units torn apart. I have this legal mess with the H HOA in on the second house, and then I get hit with an unexpected huge tax bill. I get hit with a, we have a certified organic company and there were a bunch of rules that changed.
All of that hit me and then my grandma died and it was, it was just month after month after month, something huge hitting me, and I'm extremely grateful for those things hitting me at that time because, Finally one day on, um, Facebook, somebody posted an article about narcissistic abuse and narcissism, which I had never heard of before.
And I read this article and it struck a chord so deep I felt like my soul had been taken out of my body because it described what I was going through so accurately. And I remember walking around like a zombie. I was just like, oh my gosh, this. The realization I knew something was wrong.
I knew something was wrong for a long time, but I could never figure it out. I'm just like, I know he thinks differently than the rest of us, but what is it? Is he bipolar? Is Maybe it's the house that will make him happy. Maybe it's the cars that will finally make him happy. And finally, you know, he'll be the partner that's there for me and he'll, he'll, calm down and not be so angry all the time, and he'll actually do work for the business.
He kept making promises of, oh, I'm gonna work so hard for the business once we get this house, once I get this Corvette, once I get this Porsche, it'll all be outta my system and then I can finally settle down and work. And it never did. So when I learned about narcissistic abuse, it was such a huge realization. It was very hard to come to terms that I had been lied to for so long. From 2001 that I had been with him to 2015, almost 15 years of my life. It was a very difficult thing to confront because who does that? Who can lie like that? And I'd always given him the benefit of the doubt. uh, by the end of 2015 we get through our busy season and I just feel like the world's gonna end at two.
The end of the year, the world is going to end. I couldn't see my future at all. My friends were planning trips. They were like, we're going on a trip in May. Are you gonna get your ticket? Are you gonna come with us? I'm like, I don't even know what my life is going to look like in six months. I don't even feel like I'm going to be alive because my world is collapsing. And 2016 came around and I was still alive, but. I started to deny, no, no, no, push it back, push it back. You are just making up these lies you're creating lies and, you know, you're basically crazy.
It was easier to believe that than
were gaslighting yourself.
I was gaslighting myself because I had, I, I did not feel that leaving was an option for so long. And I had just doubled down. Every time something came around it was like, no, I've just gotta try harder. I've just gotta, you know, keep on, pushing. And 2016 came around and I started just reading every day about narcissism to remind myself, okay, this is what's going on, this is what's going on.
And I had to constantly read and read and read and watch YouTube videos and continually remind myself that that was what was going on. Because otherwise I felt like I was crazy. And there were times where I was, I couldn't eat. I was lying on the floor at four o'clock in the morning because I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep.
I didn't know what to do. I knew that I had to get out, but I didn't know how. My parents didn't know that what was going on. I had no friends. My sister, who's the closest person to me, uh, she had no idea what was going on. and I was completely isolated and I had no one to go to, to say, this is what's going on with me.
And I had to find a strength that I never had before to make this happen. But it took from that time to 2018 before I was actually able to get out. In 2016, I was, I was headed down to St. George and I was like, okay, I've gotta do this. You know, I've gotta, I've gotta, break this off. I've gotta get out of this.
And when I was down there, his mom had a stroke, so, Okay. I guess this is not the time, but I did bring things up. I said, you know, you, you are spending way too much money. You've gotta scale back and we have to sell this house and we have to fix up this house. We have to figure it out. Because I'm dying here.
I, you know, I said, I'm so stressed out that things have gotta change. And I was just hoping, I was just hoping that I could change him and I could turn him around and that you know, that I could figure it out and that things could be better if I was just clear. Maybe if I just communicate more, maybe if I just am more clear then he'll understand.
But it, it never happened. And I, I started like meditation programs and narcissistic abuse recovery programs and, doing meditations Yeah, it, I think though that those didn't help me a lot to get out. I think that they're good once you're out of the relationship, but I think that I disassociated them, I disassociated with them more because it's like, I'm gonna manifest my new life.
And then I was just in my head thinking about my wonderful new life that I was trying to manifest instead of actually being uncomfortable and looking at my life and living in the harsh reality of my life. So I think I stayed in a little bit longer because I was doing those kinds of things, but I don't know,
I think like it's such a normal human instinct to double and triple down on this thing that you've committed to for so long, and you're so entrenched in like, it's so hard to accept that, oh, that this isn't right or it's not for you, or you know, whatever the problem is, it's so super normal
Mm-hmm.
ugh, so hard.
I always wonder why people stay in such situations for so long. Right. And I think there's something about the familiarity,
regardless of the lack of comfort,
Absolutely.
what, you have
It's familiar, like when you leave that familiar situation, you have to deal with the discomfort of change, you
Mm-hmm.
And I think that plays a big role. And you were saying like you didn't have a lot of friends around there. I mean there's like a shame probably factor I felt, I feel shame when I'm in that situ.
mm-hmm. .Oh, absolutely.
with this person for, uh, you know, and like, and now I gotta talk to my friends who probably knew this all along and like, how am I gonna, I don't know. I can't, I don't even know where to begin. I probably would've imploded, like, I don't know you, you did it, but I, I for sure you would've been reading about me in the obituaries.
you just would've completely exploded all over your
Just, just find me in these empty four walls of either house.
So how did you like gather the courage to finally actually leave him?
In February of 2018, my sister called. and she was crying and she said she had been dating this guy. And she said that he slapped her on the back really hard and then played it off like, oh, you're just being too sensitive. And so she broke it off with him and I'm like, oh, okay. This is, I've been researching about narcissistic abuse and gaslighting for the last two years.
I know exactly what you're going through. And then I broke down and I told her what was going on, what had been going on for so long, and she said, come over to my house. Come over right now, let's talk about this. So I went over to her house. you know, I told her everything that was going on and I completely broke down.
And you know, he's calling me, he's calling me. We had, I had to check in every few hours and it was really hard to not take his calls. And so by the time I finally answered his call you know, something was up and I told him, you know, we've gotta break up. And, you know, we had this long conversation.
And he's like, no, you're not giving up on us. You know, I can't believe that you're giving up on us. And I'm like, so he convinces me to go to therapy and
With him.
With him.
to couple's therapy. So we go to couple's therapy, it's Valentine's Day and we're going to the couple's therapy, and we're just arguing, you know, it's all just coming to a head.
And he's not listening to anything that I'm saying. And I told him that I think you have narcissistic personality disorder. And you know, of course he said, no, I don't. You're the one that has narcissistic personality
disorder and it's cool. Yeah, .Yeah, And so we have this therapy session.
It's not productive and we're arguing in the parking lot for. Hours just arguing and arguing until I'm just completely exhausted and nothing really comes of it other than I start going to the therapist by myself. And finally I have some support because he's seeing, I was lucky enough to get a therapist that said, I'm seeing that you are being gaslit and I see that this guy is playing you.
He said, I've been in ther, I've been doing therapy for 22 years, and I've never seen someone play another person. As much as he plays you, he knows exactly how to push your buttons and how to manipulate you.
Wow.
It was really terrifying, honestly.
You don't know how someone with N P D is going to react. And I didn't know, is he going to hurt me? You know, I'm reading all of these horror stories. Is he going to, try to destroy me? But staying in, I was on a path of destruction. I, if I would have stayed with him, the business would have been destroyed.
I would've lost both houses. I was on a path of destruction anyway, so I had to get out. It was my only chance at, at survival really.
Yeah. Oh my goodness.
A few months went by, you know, we went to therapy as a couple, maybe twice, and then I continued working with my therapist and he, got me to stop.
Stopped dissociating and stopped being comfortable and to live in the discomfort of my situation and use that as motivation to get out. And I said, I've gotta get myself out of this hole. So I started working with one of my employees to let's, you know, we've got these two commercial buildings, let's at least get out of one of them.
And so I say to the landlord, I'm, what do I need to do to get out of this building? And he tells me what needs to be fixed, and I get a contractor and we move I get one of my employees and we move all of the stuff into one unit so we can at least get, one cleared out. And so
This is after you broke up with him,
you,
This is, um, before I have broken up with him you know, he's not helping me with any of this.
So I'm working with this one employee whose name is Nick, who was helping me fix up these buildings and helping me every day to get my life in order.
and I have a contractor working and the one landlord, he had owned a painting company.
And I was like, yeah, I'll paint this myself. I'll get it all good. But he just had me painting and redoing it and redoing it and redoing it. And, oh, you missed a spot here. You missed a spot here. I'm wanting to disassociate disassociate and I'm wanting to fantasize and live in, kind of a fantasy world.
And my therapist is like, no, be mad about this. Be mad about what he has done to you, what he is putting you through, and use that to finally break up with him. So I. Done with the project, and I get out of the one building and it's my 39th birthday. And my boyfriend comes up to, to, you know, to celebrate my birthday and the day after my birthday, I finally said, you know, we're done, we're done for good.
And the magic words that I finally was able to use was, I think we should see other people, because then he saw that as a challenge and a way to hurt me, and a way to be like, oh, well I'll find a new person before you do, and then I'll make you feel bad. And so we were still tied financially. He was still living in the second house.
He still had my debit card. He still had full access to the money, but oh, now we're seeing other people.
can we just pause for a second? Can we stop for a second before we move on? I'm just curious because this is a show about age and being over 40,
Mm-hmm.
I am wondering , you turned 39, it was your 39th birthday, and you had been going through all of this turmoil with your boyfriend who you had been with for 17 years, and now you're not with him anymore.
You were struggling with all these properties. You're struggling in your business with your friends. All of the things. when I was 39, I had so much anxiety about turning 40 like being a single woman with no children. I had a study job, but I was so anxious about this idea of turning 40 and not yet accomplishing all the things that I thought I would have by then that I was so scared.
I mean, that's when I came up with this podcast idea. That's how, and I'm just curious, how did or, did age play sort of any part in your mindset at that point? The fact that you were
39.
It was the day after my birthday, I think my 39th birthday came around and I was like, I can't waste any anymore time. I can't waste any more of my life in this bad situation. And Yeah, as far as children are concerned, I had given up on that idea a lo yeah, a long time ago. When I was 34.
I have polycystic ovarian syndrome, P C O S, and that makes it hard to become pregnant. And when I was 34, I went to my doctor and she said, if you want kids, you better start doing it now because you're losing your fertility and you're losing it fast. You're gonna have a hard. and I knew something was wrong with, my partner at the time, and I was like, I don't wanna have kids with him.
And so I just gave up on the idea of ever having kids. So when I finally broke up with him and I'm 39, I'm like, it's probably not in the carts for me to, to be a mom biologically, you know, maybe I'll adopt someday. And that's what I was thinking as far as family goes, but I'm like, I'm not gonna find a new person and, you know, have you start a new life with someone and, and have the time to, be a mom.
So I, I'd given up on that idea.
And where was your confidence level at this point?
My confidence level, uh, was very, was very, very low because the relationship with the ex was, I would describe it as an asexual relationship. A a lot of narcissists will demand sex. He withheld it and made me feel like I was too fat.
I was a size zero and I was too fat. Well, you know, you still have cellulite and you're not toned enough. And, everything that I did was, you know, if I wore makeup, it was like, oh, you, you know, it's a little splotchy hair. You need to do better. Oh, that color really isn't that great on you. And I never, he made me feel very inept at being a woman.
He always made me feel like I didn't know how to be a woman. if I called him out on that and I said, how can you say that you love me? He said that I love you many times a day. And, called his soulmates. Yet he, I was so repulsive that he didn't wanna have sex with me, and it would be months and months and months.
But he used sex as a weapon of like, oh, you bought me a Corvette, now you're rewarded with sex. And all of a sudden, now I'm happy. And I kept thinking, oh, you know, he's so distracted with these other things and he's not happy. And maybe when he's happy, then he'll be the partner that I need you to be present and be affectionate. So it was all a manipulative tool. When I finally broke up with him, I felt very defective. I would dream that I had warts all over my legs. I just was like, is there something so wrong with me that I'm just not seeing? And I felt crazy. I felt like, you know, is my head too big?
Is my, you know, I was just picking out every little piece of myself and just being like, what is it that I'm not seeing? What makes me so repulsive? So I was very, very insecure.
Yeah,
stephanie was at a low point, but what she didn't yet know was that her life was about to change. Once again, remember Nick Stephanie's coworker who helped her clean out one of those spaces she leased. Well, it turned out that Stephanie and Nick got along really well, and one day Nick invited Stephanie to a party and she thought, what the heck?
I've got nothing else to do. But when she got there, none of Nick's friends had showed.
So it was just us two. I had my first glass of wine and, cause I wasn't allowed to drink alcohol or anything.
Um,
Wow.
yeah,
your ex because your ex or some other reason.
Because my ex,
um,
How did you sort of move from that, super low place that you were in that super low confidence space to. Hanging with Nick and enjoying his company
or even further on top of that, like live simultaneously. I would like to ask cuz you're still like trying to get rid of these properties, you're trying to get yourself out of this hole. And I'm typically in my therapy , I work with not being so extreme, but like if I'm in the dumps, I really have a hard time doing anything joyous.
So how did you, how did you pull that
Jekyll Hyde scenario, you know?
I would say that it was a very heightened state at that time period because I had the excitement of a new relationship and I was able to go to his house and have a place that felt safe. I was able to kind of escape my house that was torn up. I was able to have a little sanctuary and have a different change of scenery and a place where I felt safe.
But also in the back of my mind, I have this huge anxiety about all the things that I need to do.
Mm.
And as time went on, I finally turned off the debit card with the ex. And you know, that, that was kind of what started the lawsuit once I turned off the money. And he said, okay, we're gonna go to mediation.
Mediation went on for months while Stephanie's ex tried to get anything he could out of her, even while she was still paying for his life and he was living in her house rent free. That is until the HOA said, Nope, he's not your boyfriend. He needs a lease. But he didn't wanna pay rent. And what happens when someone refuses to pay rent?
Well, they get evicted.
And then that was when, a couple months later I get slapped with this lawsuit from him.
More on that lawsuit later, because after all this happened, I couldn't help but wonder how hard it must have been for Stephanie to trust herself and to trust Nick as she entered into this new relationship with him.
It was really hard to trust somebody new and, you know, I did have moments of triggers and I would say P T s, I would call them P T S D triggers. and, uh, they're very, very difficult to deal with. Your whole body feels like it's on fire. Your my skin would be burning, my heart would be racing.
I'd just be shaking. And that would happen a lot in those first few months. They're getting better now. I very rarely have a big trigger like that. Um, but it was very hard to trust somebody new and, and be like, is he, you know, is he going to start abusing me now? fortunately he ended up being a good guy, , and I'm, I'm learning to trust. I still have, I still have issues. But luckily he's a really good guy.
okay, good.
Nick
takes the
so Nick takes the cake. he's a good guy. He helps you move through all these properties and get all that stuff sorted out
He fixes my house.
fixes your
both of
He fi he learns how to do drywall and puts all my walls back.
we love Nick
We do and he's my emotional support through all of the lawsuit. And I was able to get, I had to do a quick sale and I sold the second house, was able to take that money, get the company out of debt, um, fix up my house, get out of the second building, get out of that hole that I was in, and I'm finally in a good place where, yeah, I still have.
you from that point where you left till you were like absolve of all that stuff? Absolved, I
So, as far as the lawsuit goes, It went on for a back and forth for about a year, and finally we settled.
Finally we settled. And last year, 2021, I made my final payment. I didn't wanna go through a lawsuit with him. I didn't wanna have to call all of our past employees to the stand and all of our family members and go put everybody through all of that.
So I f we finally came up to a settlement agreement that worked. We had some payments that I was able to do, wasn't comfortable but I'm done with it. I have no more lawsuit.
the and the, and the cars. And the, and the houses too.
Yes, I was able to get the truck back that he had been driving. I got it sold. I got the other little
car that he had sold. I paid off my car with it. So I have a paid off car and only one house. And guess what? I have a living room with a TV and a couch. , right?
four walls. ,
and four walls.
Oh, I'll never look at walls. The same.
Okay, so Stephanie has her life back in order, and then in 2021 at 41 years old, something unimaginable happened.
I became pregnant. I did in 2020, I took a blood test just to check in on myself. And, they said, you know, confirmed you have polycystic ovarian syndrome and if you want to get pregnant, i v f is basically your only choice, and at your age you only have about a 20% chance of becoming pregnant with I V F.
So, you know, I had given up on, on that idea, you know, it was something that I grieved, I was a loss in my life and I was trying to find meaning, and I was trying to f I was working with a therapist and, trying to figure out. How to have greater meaning in my life and coming up with different ideas.
I was, I have a bad habit of rescuing rabbits, , and I was like, maybe I'll open a rabbit sanctuary .
I
love that idea
um, but yeah, so a year later after I'd been told, you don't usually gain fertility , but I think that getting out of the abusive situation your body will. When you're making so much cortisol, your body will rob the building blocks for homo hormones.
And when you have so much cortisol robbing your progesterone you know, you lose your fertility. But getting out of that abusive relationship and lowering my cortisol levels and taking care of my body and not being under constant duress, I think put my body in a state of fertility. And I became pregnant in January of 2021 and it was a huge surprise for us both and we now have this amazing little one year old who is our life and our love and. He's just changed my family for the best.
What's his
And his name is Taro, p t e r o, . And it means flighted or with wings. Um, like short for Tero, dactyl,
Oh, cool.
And, um, he is, he is just amazing and it's just, it's changed our lives
and,
he's just, he's such a, a little miracle. And
That's so incredible.
Such a crazy story.
It's amazing how the body, mind, and spirit are so connected in that way, you know?
it's
really
is.
It
I did not nearly go through the stress that you went through, but I went through a bad breakup, I'd say about like five years ago, four years
ago. And I noticed that like I was balding or not bald, but just like I still am thinning.
But like when I'd say like a year after that I noticed that my hair was thicker
and stuff like that, and just like, or that my skin was better. Like just, there's certain things that manifest when your stress level comes down and you were just constantly for 15 years under stress.
Mm-hmm. . I
was, and you don't realize it. And so much of my, bad PMs symptoms that I used to have, I don't have anymore. It's crazy how much my body changed and
everything is connected. Y'all, everything
is
connected. Also, we in the life coaching world we have this saying that you're exactly where you're supposed to be. So meaning we couldn't be where we are today without going through all the things that we went through. And, and also that we have to be exactly here in order to, you know, move towards our desired future.
And I feel like your experience is like such a perfect and clear example of how that works.
Also. That's just, yeah. Like it's never too late.
and it's never too late.
It's never too late
You know,
for, for whatever it is, for whatever it is that even if it's just finding happiness for the first time in many, many years, I can actually start to see a future and I'm, I'm looking forward to my little boy being in school and watching him grow up. And we'll watch a movie and say, oh, I can't wait to watch it with him when he's just a little bit older.
And, and to have these things to look forward to. It's still very hard. It's still very, like, I s I sometimes feel like it's all gonna be taken away from me at some point. Um, it's still very hard to trust that happiness and to trust that safety. But it gets better and better as time goes on
so how is bubble and B doing these days?
I'm really trying to rebuild it and, we've got a little bit of growth each year and we have loyal, loyal customers that are just amazing that have been following us since the beginning.
And I'm really, really thankful for that. That, that I do have this business and I do have the freedom to take care of my son and to be able to work from home a lot of the time. And Yeah, I, I feel very grateful for it.
That's awesome.
Congratulations
now. You don't have to answer to him,
It is, it's mine. And it's
sometimes it's hard to be able to trust myself and to trust my judgment when I have to make big business decisions and I have to take a chance when I'm spending money on marketing or, whatever business decision I have to make. It's like, oh, do I know what I'm doing? Do I, is this going to be the right thing?
And, and I've been able to start to be able to trust myself and trust my judgment. And it's,
so hard.
I can imagine, like, spending money would be really triggering
it
it it, because like you had, you, you had the cars, you had the buildings, you had this, that, and it's like, wait, do I need this?
Yeah. How do you, How
do you,
do you, like, what's, do you, have like a, like a mental checklist, like for when you're in those situations that kind of force you to persevere through it?
It's really difficult. Like I have a set number in my head of like, I have to have this amount of money in the bank at all times or else I'm in danger. So it's really hard to be able to, to take a chance on advertising or even, you know, just investing in a lot of ingredients or supplies.
But I have to remind myself that I'm okay if I don't have that amount of money in the bank. And that I, I have to be able to spend the money and I have to be able to take risks because that is what business is. It is hard. It is hard. But I also have been doing this now for 15 years and I know the cycles I know that I can make these decisions and I don't have outside forces that are draining me and that are, dragging me down. And I've lowered my costs as much as I can, uh, personally so that I can put as much money as I can back into the business and, and rebuild it.
So where can people buy, bubble and Be
Um, You can find Bubble and b@bubbleandb.com. Um, we are in a number of retailers across the nation. We are in the Rocky Mountain region of Whole Foods, just a few of our products. Um, but we are mainly online, just online through our.
Well, we've arrived at my favorite place, y'all, the reintroduction. I ask all my guests to reintroduce themselves without using descriptors like mom, business owner, wife, et cetera, after all, we are not our accomplishments or our failures.
I'm Stephanie Greenwood. I'm 43 and I'm caring and. Adventurous and also a homebody at the same time. and I, I just want the best for everybody.
Boom. That's a good one to end on.
I I do hope that it helps other people. And, you know, I do take a risk by telling this story. I do take a risk that the ex will hear it and who knows and do what. But I do think it's been five years and I do want to tell my story for my own mental health and to help other people.
And hopefully someone will hear this maybe and realize that they're in an abusive relationship without realizing it
Man, I wish I had a lollipop or something. Like I didn't some sugar That was heavy.
Send Nick our love
Yeah, yeah. We love Nick.
The audio is some of the best we've
Oh, good.
we're very appreciative of your, of your fancy microphone.
Nick did all the research, found the stuff for me.
We just love Nick so much.
God, I need a, I need a nick for my codependent ass.
me too.
I just bribe people. I'm like, Hey, I got some wine or food. If you come over and help me do this.
Holy mackery, that story. Am I right? And as Stephanie says, she told us this story to heal her mental health and help others going through something similar. So let's get out there and tell our stories. If you are loving these episodes, please take 30 seconds to share or talk about the show with all your other podcast loving people.
And don't forget to subscribe so you never miss an episode. Help us keep this show going. Thank you to David Ben Porat for co-hosting and sound engineering. Dan Davin for music, David Harper for the Artwork. I am This age is produced by Jellyfish Industries. I'm Molly Sider. Catch you all next time.
We love Nick.