Have you ever felt like you’ve wasted so much time that now you’re too old to find real happiness? Today’s episode is proof that you’re not too late to create your dream life. Joanne Irizarry gets REAL about getting sober in her late 40’s after losing her son to suicide; how, at 59, she’s having the best time of her life; and why she believes any one of you can do it too. Tune in now! If you’re feeling inspired to get support to make your own change, DM us on our Instagram page @iamthisage_podcast with your email address and we'll send you a personal email with a link to set up a free discovery coaching call to get you on your change journey. Who knows, maybe you’ll end up being a guest on the show some day! We can’t do life alone. We’re not supposed to do like alone. What a relief, right?
Have you ever felt like you’ve wasted so much time that now you’re too old to find real happiness? Today’s episode is proof that you’re not too late to create your dream life. Joanne Irizarry gets REAL about getting sober in her late 40’s after losing her son to suicide; how, at 59, she’s having the best time of her life; and why she believes any one of you can do it too. Tune in now!
If you’re feeling inspired to get support to make your own change, DM us on our Instagram page @iamthisage_podcast with your email address and we'll send you a personal email with a link to set up a free discovery coaching call to get you on your change journey. Who knows, maybe you’ll end up being a guest on the show!
We can’t do life alone. We’re not supposed to do like alone. What a relief, right?
Follow Joanne's A Safe Place Inside Your Head on Instagram @asafeplaceinsideyourhead
Follow Joanne @therealjoirizarry
Hey, it's. Molly here. A quick warning that this episode contains a discussion about suicide and alcohol. Holism listener discretion is advised. If you are someone you know, is struggling, please reach out to the national. Suicide prevention lifeline at One 1 802 7, 3 talk Now onto The episode
Have. Have you ever had the thought I wish I would have known then. Then what I know now. Have you felt distracted or unfocused for most of your life? Whether it's due to a lack of. Confidence or direction. Or because. Of something like alcohol. Holism mental health or even the loss of a loved one.
Do you ever feel like. You've wasted so much time that now you're too old to find real happiness. What if there were still enough time no matter your age To both heal and And create the life of your dreams What if i told you that my guest today did just that Joanne Irizarry got sober at 49 years old After she lost her son to suicide and today At 59, she is living her happiest life i know that sounds impossible but listen through as Joanne shares how she did it and why you can do it too 📍
Welcome back to I am this age conversations proving you're never too old to make a change. I'm. I'm Molly Sider and I may certified life coach and a real life changemaker. We're in my forties. I am here to validate. That your fears around making a change are normal. And to show you how you can do that thing. You're always talking about. No matter your age
If you're feeling inspired. Stick around to the. The end to hear how you can get the support that you need. To make your own life changes now Joe, an era. 📍
Hi, I am Joanne Zeri, and I am 59 years old. I am a serial entrepreneur. I'm a restaurateur. I'm an accountant. I'm a mental health advocate. I'm a recovering alcoholic
can I, can I tell you something real quick? Can I tell you the
absolutely.
Okay. So I was in jail I had two DWIs I had to go to jail for X amount of days. It was, I wanna say it was 72 hours as part of my sentencing and then be on probation.
So I go to jail, um, and one of my friends gives me a Valium. Cause I'm like super nervous about going to jail.
I went in on Friday night, Saturday, the whole day I just mostly slept and read books. And Sunday they, we got up and they said, we have to all go to church. I go to church and there's this message, this preacher saying like, somebody wants to take their life.
Like somebody is feeling desperate and they want to take their life right now. And he's like, I just wanna say if this is you, please don't, please stay. It was like that. The whole sermon was, about like people that want to die, right? So we go back to the, um, the. Our, like space, our living area.
And I'm sitting there and, somebody comes in and it's like a nurse, and they're like, Hey, Joanne , you have to come with us, um, to the infirmary. And I'm like, oh, shit. They found out I took that volume and now I'm in trouble. Like, that's immediately where my mind went. And I was like, I can't imagine what is happening right now.
So, I go get in the little golf cart thing and they're just, everybody's quiet, like there's a cop and there's a nurse and they're quiet and I'm in this golf cart and they're not saying anything to me. So I'm just freaking out. Like, we're driving the golf cart to the infirmary. We get to the infirmary and we walk into this room and this girl has a piece of paper in her hand, and I see my son's name on it, and I looked at it and I said, he's dead.
Is, and he, and she said, yes, he is. and I said, okay, can I leave? And she said, we already have it cleared. One of your friends is gonna come pick you up. You need to go back and change, get your stuff together. The judge is given the orders for you to go home and you need to go take care of your, your family right now.
And that's where I got the news. I got the news while I was in jail for a D W I, because I was drunk, you know? So,
so you can only imagine that, that after that, the next three years I was a mess because this was my fault. If I wasn't in jail, he wouldn't have died,
it's, that's a hundred percent not true. But I, I put it on myself and then, you know, three years later I decide this is it. I've gotta deal with this. So when I went to rehab, we talked about grief a lot. And nobody ever told me at that point, like, it's not your fault. It was just like, I finally started working through sober eyes that it wasn't my fault.
Joanne was 47 when her son passed away by suicide. She was already struggling with alcohol. Holism and after he died her struggles worsened until she finally made the choice Uh, To go to rehab
How did you come to make that decision, and what did the days leading up to rehab look like for.
I'd tried so many times to stop drinking. And I had gone to AA a lot and nothing was successful. Nothing stuck. I had already been active kind of in AA the two years before my son died.
And, I wasn't committed to it and it wasn't time. So whenever I decided to stop drinking, I was just sick. And ti it's this, it's the classic case. I was just sick and tired of being sick and tired and not like being able to manage my life at all. And I knew the reason was because of the alcohol.
Like, I couldn't face the grief. I couldn't understand his death. I couldn't get a job. Like none of that could happen as long as I was drinking alcohol. So I had made it like , a hard decision, okay, I'm gonna do this. I'm gonna, quit and I'm gonna quit on this day, which was the day that I actually quit.
And so up until that time, I was the alcoholic that had to drink every few hours. Like I had to drink in the middle of the night. You know, like every two hours I had to have a drink or I would, I would be deathly ill, like violently ill.
So I drank to just maintain, to able to breathe, and live basically. Cuz that's where it got to at the end. So I had said to myself, I'm gonna buy this much alcohol and I'm gonna measure it out through these many days, and if I get sick, I'll just have to, because you can like, kind of push through the sickness.
It's not healthy to do that. But I also knew that I wanted to do it on this day. I'm that kind of person in general. Like, I'm very , organized.
It's like my stuff has to be scheduled and, I run a tight ship like that, even with my alcoholism. So I said I'm gonna do it on this day. And I, and I had this alcohol and I was drinking a little bit, just enough to get me through so I could just like call 9 1 1.
And this is exactly how it happened. Um, I called 9 1 1 and I said, um, I think I'm gonna die. I feel like I'm gonna die. I feel like I wanna die. And they were like, well, What's going on? And I said I'm, I'm an alcoholic and I'm gonna die. And so they asked me for my address and they came and they picked me up at the place that I was living.
So they got me to the hospital. And I've been to the hospital several times before trying to detox. And, uh, by the grace of God, univers, whatever, I don't know what you wanna call it. The doctor that had already seen me several times before happened to be on duty that morning. And so they were like, well, do you wanna quit? And I was like, yes. And they were like, is this for real? And I was like, yes. And they were like, Okay, so what we can do is we're gonna put you in detox, um, and we're gonna, like step you down so that you can, that you're not in any kind of, um, medical danger.
So they put me in detox for a couple of days and they kept like coming in talking to me, saying, like, this is what you really wanna do. We're willing to get you some help. And I said, yeah, this is what I really want to do. So, um, the doctor said, if I do this, like I'm putting myself on the line for you.
I'm gonna get you in rehab and I'm gonna get it paid for, but I need you to do everything they tell you to do. Are you willing to make that decision? And I said, I don't care what it is. Whatever you tell me to do, I promise that I'm gonna do it. So he's like, okay, well we don't have a spot for you, so we're gonna put you in a halfway house.
And I was like,
okay, I'll do it. And so they're like, you can't go home. You can't get any clothes. What you're wearing today, you're gonna be wearing it for the next two weeks. , are you okay with that? And I said, I'm okay. Just
let me let my family know so that people are not worried about where I'm at.
Was your plan the whole time to get yourself into rehab
I didn't know that that would be an option. It was just like to, to kind of get myself sober and then come up with a plan after that. Like, maybe somebody will help me. Literally. I was just, but the like, At the last hope in my life was to just stop drinking.
And maybe if I did that, that somebody would help me because I could not do it alone. I had tried so many times and I just couldn't do it alone. And that doctor, he said, I'll, I'll do it, but you have to do everything I say, and I've made him that commitment that day. And since that day, I've been living my life just like I'm supposed to.
Wow.
I've been following the path like I'm doing the right things all the time. And that's where my success comes today. Like why I can still be sober, why I can be successful, why I can be healthy, happy, strong, why I can be of service to others because I got humble.
And that is the biggest part of that whole thing is I just. Took myself down to the lowest level and got humble and said, I'm willing to do whatever it takes cuz I wanna have the best life ever.
That is incredible and I commend you for this and congratulations for going through that and being where you are today. I know that there are a lot of people who struggle with alcoholism and struggle in similar ways. And it seems to me that somewhere in there, there had to have been a feeling of self worth, like feeling worthy of getting better and going to rehab and getting help from other people.
And, living a fulfilling and meaningful life. And I would imagine a lot of people don't feel that way and so don't get the help that they need. And I'm curious where, where do you think that baseline of self-worth that drives you and keeps you organized?
Where does that come from?
I don't know, I'm the oldest child, but I'm gonna tell you immediately to answer that question specifically that doctor said that he would help me like that he was willing to risk his, not his reputation cuz like he got me free rehab. Like this is a $40,000 program that I was in, you know, that most people don't get to do.
And for me there was such honor and there was somebody who was willing to take a risk on me, who didn't even know me, but just saw it in me that, that he knew that if I just did what he said, that I could be what I'm asking to be. Like, I didn't walk into that situation that. expecting that at all. I expected just to get like semis sober and then figure all of that out.
So when he said, I can get you in rehab, you would not believe, what it felt like, my whole body felt like at that moment when he said, here's the hope. Like he, he just held it out and said, here, I've got the hope. Are you willing to take it? And really to do the right things to make this happen. I was just like, literally mind blown, like, how could this shit be happening to me?
And you'll see as I tell you more of my story that that's not the one time thing. That happens to me all the time. Like I am offered opportunities that I don't even know where they come from. I don't know what I did right in my life. I don't know, why I am blessed more than other people.
You know, like by the grace I am. Ridiculously blessed to be able to manifest shit out of thin air. My, first manifestation was that I wanna get sober and he just gave it to me.
He gave
yeah, it's incredible. You know, you have to feel worthy of the thing in order to manifest like manifestation, isn't just wishing it to be.
I listen to this podcast about manifestation and they always say, step into your worth, and then it'll happen.
I don't, I don't know where it came from. I'm the oldest of six children. My parents were, they were not good parents. I raised all my brothers and sisters. I've been a mother figure to people. It was ingrained in me as a, as a child, cuz my, my parents weren't gonna be there, my grandparents weren't gonna be there.
Our family was very disconnected and dysfunctional. So I felt like if I could just hold it all together, always, then everything would be okay. So, , I took care of my brothers and sisters my whole life. You know, like I've always been the in relationships, like I've been in some not so great relationships where the man didn't work or he didn't have a good job, and I was the person who was supporting the family.
I create income and wealth for myself by taking opportunities. I remember my mom telling me when I was little that I didn't play with dolls, I wasn't like other little girls. She said you had a cash register and you would just count the money all the time, she's like, basically like, you knew you worth back when you were five.
Like, I'll do that, but it's gonna cost you $5. Or or I'll do that, but you have to gimme 50 cents,
I knew that from a small child and, and because I did financially help my family, when I got to be like 14, I got my first job and my mom took my paycheck so I couldn't have it.
And I had five brothers and sisters and I wanted to get stuff from my brothers and sisters. My parents used my pay to help, like buy groceries and pay the rent. So I said to my mom, can I get a second job? And she said, sure.
And I said, can I keep that paycheck? And she said, yes. And that was the paycheck that I used to, , help my brothers and sisters
So you're, so, you're the caretaker okay, so how long was the rehab program?
I went in, I was supposed to only be there for thir 15 days, and they asked me while I was in there, do you wanna stay? And I was scared to go home because I knew, like I was putting myself back in a situation where I was living with a family and I was their chef and I was their like house manager ish person.
And I knew there was lots of alcohol there. I knew if I stepped back into that role again, that I would just be putting myself in the same place.
And I needed to find me, I needed to figure out me. I've never been alone. I've always been around people, I've always taken care of. Everybody else I needed to figure out. Who am I . So I wound up saying the 30 days, and then I wound up going home and telling the people, I'm sorry, today is my very last day. I can't do this. And they were like, so very supportive and very kind, and they understood. And I went to go live in a sober house immediately, like straight outta rehab.
I went into a sober house, which was an interesting situation in of itself. I always had a great job.
I made six figures like my whole life. And here I. , now I've gotta go take a job making $10 an hour. I have an accounting degree, so I was like, I'll just be an accountant. So I got a job. It was a low paying job. I had to ride the bus everywhere. I didn't have a car. Um, my family, was very proud of me for what I was doing, but I didn't want anybody to take care of me at that point.
I wanted to do it on my terms, and I wanted to do it by myself. So, um, I just stayed in the sober house and it was, it was a little difficult. There was a lot of people who were suffering, like bad suffering and they weren't getting the help that they needed.
You know, I'm. So blessed that I've never been diagnosed with any kind of mental health issues besides anxiety and obviously alcoholism. There's so many dark places that people are in that, that I don't, I can't relate to because I haven't been there.
And, and now I have a mental health community with our safe place stuff, which we'll discuss
I'm sure in detail in a little.
Yeah. What was it like re-entering quote unquote normal life?
My friends all stuck by me. Everybody was so cool and good to me.
But it was different. Like my life was different , you know, like if you're drinking alcohol all the time, like your life is you know, there's like these rose-colored glasses on you all the time. I did have to confront my son's death in rehab.
That was the largest thing that happened to me in rehab besides not drinking again, like the obsession is absolutely gone. I don't care. One bit about alcohol. Smell alcohol, I can have it in my home. I can even take a drink, like a sip of something and taste it. And it has zero effect on me like that.
I wanna have alcohol again. Like it's just, it's gone. Like it's, I can remember the feeling cuz I can see myself in a park waiting for the grocery store to turn 12 on a Sunday so I could go get a bottle of wine so that my head wouldn't hurt. I can remember that.
I can feel it like it was yesterday, but I don't have those cravings anymore and the obsession is
how? How did that happen?
I don't know, , I don't know that it's magical cuz I really had to do the work, you know, like I had to stop drinking. And I had to do the work.
But life was different because then I had to face my grief and then I had to understand like why my son did what he did. And even today, 10 years later, it looks different. Like even a couple of days ago I was explaining like what he was like before he died. And I was uncovering things that I haven't thought about before about like why, why this happened.
But at that point I had always thought I had done something wrong as a mother, that I hadn't taken care of him. And I totally blamed it on alcohol because I was never present because of the alcohol. And now I'm living a life since then where I could be present with everybody. I can literally be present when you're talking to me.
I can pay attention to you. When you ask me questions. I'm focused on what you have to say. I was not that way during my, alcoholism. So I blamed myself for sure, for my son's
Yeah, that makes sense. Wow. Wow.
Like, you know, he had a lot of problems. My son had mental health issues. He had been hit by a car when he was 17 and he was in the hospital in a coma for like a month. And he came out, he had 29 surgeries on his leg. They almost amputated his leg because he was in such bad shape.
He was gonna be, uh, sterile the rest of his life. He was gonna be on Oxycontin because he had so much nerve damage in his body. Like there was a lot of reasons he died and me drinking wasn't the reason. There was so many other things. And being able to see that clearly through my adult unboosted eyes, then it was different.
Also, there's a lot of healing, you know, from family trauma and other stuff. But when I came out back into the world, I was like, , like a 12 year old . I was so nervous about everything,
just nervous, like, I gotta go get a job and now I've gotta try to find a car. And, you know, like, I don't have any money. What does that look like?
Now I gotta save money. Like. I've been successful. I had a great career. I made good money. I was top salesperson at Sprint, you know, it was number six in the nation. And here I am, a girl that has $400 in her bank account. It was very humbling. But, but I was grateful every single minute of every single day and never turned my back on myself or how I got there.
Thank you for sharing that story. I'm curious, was there something that you heard somebody say in rehab that made you realize like, oh, this was not my fault. Cuz sometimes it takes us hearing the right thing at the right time from the right person to really flip a switch
When I went into rehab, I realized that, there's a lot of components to addiction and it was people that were on drugs and alcohol. So there's a, a mixture of people, and I realized that there was one thing that we all had in common, um, we were, dealing with grief.
Everybody had a different one. Somebody lost their grandmother. They were close to their whole life, or they lost a lover or they lost a child like me, or they lost a job that they loved so dearly, or a husband and a relationship. Like the loss. is where you self-medicate and you don't deal with the grief, so you have to stop the self-medicating in order to deal with it.
And I realized I was like everybody else in that room, right Now what I needed to deal with this unhealthy thought in my mind because I'm medicated with alcohol.
Like you have these crazy thoughts. When the alcohol was gone, it was like the literally the light bulb goes off and says, oh, that wasn't your fault. No. Like make the list of the reasons that he died, like what happened before he.
and you will understand completely that you just happened to be in jail that day. It's probably the better that you were because if you would've come home and you would've seen your home, my son died from a gunshot wound. If you would've seen your home, you would be like maybe in a completely different place.
So jail was probably the safest place for me at the time, you know? So there was a higher power working on me even at that moment, to keep me safe from actually seeing, because I get there, my son's already, he's in the morgue, they're already, you know, like he's at the getting cremated.
I don't see anything. My house is spotless cause they don't let me come home until my house is spotless. I don't see any of what happened that other people, unfortunately other family members had to see, including my younger two sons, cuz they were there right after he died. So I was spared from that for sure, but it was no more alcohol.
Being able to clearly see and understand at that moment, this is not your fault. Like you're just like everybody else in this room. Like you're, you're like the masses. I don't know. I don't, there was, that was the light bulb, like nobody said anything in particular.
Like, this isn't your fault. I just knew it. Once I stopped drinking, I was like, wow, that's silly. You should not think that about
yeah. Wow. My goodness. Okay, so you. got out of rehab. You have this new sense of self and your place in the world. And you were at a sober house and you got a job. What other steps were you taking at that time to sort of get yourself back on your feet?
Oh, I was working. I, so then I got another job. So I got a job at the mall because I needed the money first of all. I just, I love to work, like, I like to be busy all the time. So one of the things to keep me sober was to keep me busy and not have so much downtime and like a lot of space in my head.
So I kept myself active and busy. Um, I didn't really date at all. Every once in a while I would meet somebody and I would, go on a date or whatever, but I tried to follow the, the rules of, not dating when you're newly sober because it's not time for you to look for a relationship.
The relationship you need to have is with yourself. So I followed the rules on that. I d I can be a hundred percent honest and say I never went to an AA meeting when I came outta rehab ever again. Never went to an a. Yeah. And I know that a lot of people say, I was always a little scared cause they say, you know, if you don't go to meetings, you'll
Relapse
And I'm like, I'm always like the fuck you person. And I'm like, watch me . So I just never went back to a meeting and I've stayed sober ever since, and I've helped other people get sober and stay sober.
So I'm pretty proud of that. This is the thing, you get sober, however it works for you. It it, there's no perfect path to sobriety. The only perfect part of it is that you just stop drinking, like you don't drink anymore. But how you do it, that's your choice.
How, what, what works for you? That's what works for you. I could tell people all day long, this story and people could be inspired by it and stop drinking or I feel like I am more inspirational, not by how I stop drinking, but how I live my life every single day. Because people always come to me and say, I want what you have.
Like how do I get that? I want what you have. I wanna be like you, I wanna be happy and sober and free. How do I do that? And then I just say, just stop drinking . And they're like, okay, . I dunno how to do that. I'm like, well, just don't pick up another drink. Call me if you like. If you feel like you wanna drink, you do.
I tell them, you figure it out yourself. If you fall, if you drink for two days or don't drink for two days and then you drink for one day, don't beat yourself up, just don't drink that fourth day and just keep on until it's a a pattern and you just stop and then you don't want it, and then you're sober.
Like, I don't know how to tell you how to do it any other way besides that. That's the only thing that works really. You know? There's no magic, there's no, like, I don't, you know, I'm, I'm more spiritual than I'm religious, so I don't believe that there's like something that comes out of the sky. That turns it off on you.
I just believe that it's, it, it is sheer strength in internally. You have to do it. They told me in a, and a lot of people who are probably proponents of a will hate this when I say it, but I'm sorry. This is how I feel, is they said that you could not make yourself, um, like your higher power, that you could not be your own higher power.
And I, I wanna debunk that myth because if I didn't do the fucking work, I wouldn't be sober. That's it. A hundred percent. I am the one, I am like my own God, my own savior. I did it for me and o obviously for my family and friends and all the others. Ones around me. I did the work and I should get, you know, they should say it was you.
Yes, you
did it.
Yeah. Hell yeah.
Um, but what we do need a support system
and is we can't do it alone.
no, no. And then some people, it's great. A is great for them and some people it's not. And so some people, there's so many, this is the good news is there's so many different ways to get sober now, and there's so many different ways that we can support each other in sobriety that doesn't require a traditional sitting in a room talking about things for 20 minutes, asking a question, passing around thing.
It doesn't have to look like that anymore. It could look so different. There's women's groups that are helping each other. There's all kinds of groups. There's local groups, there's people who are just meeting with other people, like outside of that, there's people that are just helping other people. It looks so different the way that we help each other now.
Joanne is 10 years sober now and well into a successful. Accessible entrepreneurship. She's started a restaurant, a food truck. She got her real estate license. But if you ask her, she'd say the most impactful creation is. Her nonprofit Called a safe place inside your head which Is an online community for mental health support
Why did you start a nonprofit?
Okay, so I used to call myself a mental health advocate because I support mental health issues. But I am not a professional. I am now a certified, N L p professional. So I'm a neurolinguistic program. I got certified this, like
Whoa. Congratulations.
now I know.
So now a safe place inside your head. Not only has men, a mental health advocate on their team, but they also have a mental health professional to help with our community. So I'm super thrilled about that. And also my son's birthday was on Monday. Would've been on Monday. And so this week has been really tough for me. Like I had to think about his birthday on Monday, and that's always tough. And then on Tuesday I get my certification, which is just like, I don't know, it's like the Oreo cookie, right?
There's the two sides, and there I am in the middle, like sad, and then happy because this happened. And I would've never, ever thought about doing anything like that if my son hadn't died. I think I probably would've died from alcoholism,
if my son had had not died.
I think my son saved my life, my son's death saved my life. If that could be appropriate. Maybe if you don't think it's appropriate, I'm sorry, but I, I really feel like it.
What is your son's name?
His name
is Kenny,
We called him Bo, like b e a u because he was my, my boyfriend, like he was my bo when he was born.
But my son, that's the youngest, um, he's.
He has always wanted to help people. He's a highly sensitive person and he's an empath for sure.
Hi. Me
too. ,
I can tell you, like I can tell you his diagnosis cuz he allows us to, because it's on a safe place inside your head. My other son is a little bit more low key. He's in very introverted, so he's not actively in the safe place inside your head so Tanner has Bipolar disorder, adhd. And he has a mild case of schizophrenia. So he has been since he was eight years old, on medication for, for many things because his anger issues a whole lot of things. He's 30 years old now,
, he's not political. He's very passionate about a better world for all of us. So politics are definitely something that he gets riled up about . So four years ago, he was like, emotional and there was a lot of things going on.
And he's like, I'm talking about my mental health because I feel like it's at risk because of like what's happening in our world right now, politic wise and just in general. And he said, I will put something on my Facebook page and people will call me out on it. Like they'll on my page, they'll say like, Hey man up dude.
You know, like, why you gotta, you know, stuff like that. And, and he said I don't feel like I can be myself. He said The only safe place I feel like that there is, is a safe place inside my head. And he said, but I wanna let it out.
And he said, I'm gonna create a group on Facebook and it's gonna be a private group where we can bring people and tell 'em, we'll let you talk about mental health issues. No prejudice, no. No judgment, and you can be honest and open as much as you want.
And we'll only allow people in there that we feel comfortable about being in the group so that we can feel like we're all really helping each other. So he started the Facebook group and we had like 500 fo like we started inviting people we knew that might be interested.
Within like a couple of weeks we had 500 people. Like immediately in the fold, people were asking other people questions. Like, what kind of medicine do you take? If you're sad, what do you do? I feel down anxiety sometimes this, I'm a mother that is stay-at-home mom.
You know, or I have, like bipolar disorder. Like people were asking real questions and other people were answering to the community was growing fast. I've always run Instagram for my own businesses. I said, we should do something with this on Instagram. Maybe we could talk about the issues as a whole. So he said, I don't have the time to do this. I'm moderating the Facebook page. Mom, why don't you take over the Instagram? You love to do Instagram, you love memes, you love all that kind of stuff.
So I took it on. Literally, we had 40 followers on it. Like it was nothing. The page was nothing. And I was trying to figure out like, how do we get this message across? So I started looking and I would say motivational memes for myself all the time. I have, a library as big as my house of motivational memes.
So I just started finding ones that I felt like were appropriate at the time and that were very relatable. And I would post them.
We went from 40 to 400 to 4,000 and we're just like, maybe what we're posting, like people genuinely feel this way . And we had also become very vulnerable on our posts.
We would share our own stories. And people told us, we love this,
like you're speaking as a real human being to us. I feel seen, I feel heard. And so that was our mantra is we just want people with mental health issues to be seen and heard. So it grew like crazy. And then Covid happened. Um, at that point, I think we might have had maybe a hundred thousand followers at that point outta nowhere.
We organic. We didn't like, we didn't do follow for follow. We didn't do any of that. We literally only followed like 20. We still do, I think we follow less than a hundred people. And, it was like a snowball. And then Covid happened and everybody was at home and mental health issues became, Critical.
And we were talking about what it felt like to sit at home and be lonely and sad and scared. We were kind of feeling the vibe of the people and the planet and the earth and our country and our foreign countries to see like what worked and what didn't.
Getting the nonprofit status for us was important because what we have a goal to do is to be able to work, to do some fundraising, to be able to provide support locally within Austin, or, um, you know, like try to be able to help people who can't afford to get mental health help.
where we can financially be of assistance to them. That's where the piece that we feel like we can do the most work. And then, of course, we post every single day. So, you know, we still , are supporting the issues that people are going through all the time. We launched, a series of things that we call real people and it's r e e l people.
And so we're gonna, pick a subject every single month that we're gonna be talking about this month is suicide. And so we got a real person who lost a family member that was willing to tell their story.
Next month we'll be doing something with family trauma. Um, we're gonna do L. G E B T Q in January, and then we're gonna do relationship issues in February. So we're always looking for anybody who feels confident enough to be able to talk about their issues on camera. And we'll also let people submit stuff to us via their video if they feel comfortable.
We wanna tell the story of real people. That's what Safe Place is all about. It's like the real, real deal of what does mental health look like right now in our country? What are you experiencing? How are you helping each other? How can we help you? And that's what we're trying to do with the nonprofit.
so cool and so is it mostly right now a social media sort of space where people can just hear other people's stories and just feel that connection and feel like they're not alone and it's okay? Okay.
That's a really
neat idea.
It's amazing. We get a lot of dms with people who just tell us, like, today I came to your page and I needed to find something that I could respond to and relate to that can help calm me down.
They're like, I found it on that post that you just posted, that was me. I feel seen, I feel heard. That's all we wanna hear.
I'm gonna be honest. Being able to talk about my mental health journey and being able to talk about how I feel every single day. If you wanna know how Joanne feels, how Joe feels every day, just go to my safe place, Paige.
So, um, for me it's like therapy.
It's incredible that you're doing that. I relate to it because I feel like that's what I'm doing here. I started this, I wanted people to be able to feel safe, being vulnerable, telling their stories. And part of it, I think, is because I am open about my experiences I always say, The important thing is to, to tell your story, to talk about your fears, to talk about your insecurities, because when you do, you realize you're not alone. Everyone's feeling really similar emotions, I hate to say this, but we're not all that unique. We are unique in our details of our, life story, but we're not really all that unique in our feelings and our emotions.
And we spend so much energy and time hiding who we really are and what we're really feeling. And that's what causes all the fear and the anxieties. And once we open up and tell our stories and let it all out, it's like we can let go. You know, release all of that energy and actually, put the energy towards the things that we really want in life and show up in life the way we really are meant to because we're no longer hiding who we are.
It's it's very healing. It's very healing. It's very freeing. Uh, the first few times that I told my story, I was scared. Now it's like, I'm not scared. I just hope that, whatever I say, that somebody can take a little bit out of it and maybe help them, um, but I know part of this that we talking about today though, is about like just being successful after a certain age, right?
Yeah, this is This, that's right, that's right. This is actually a podcast about age But you know, I, I've been thinking about this a lot lately, um, because a lot of my interviews talk about age, um, but we don't always get into the age factor and how that affects our decisions and what we're doing, on a day-to-day basis and what we don't do and all those things.
I really created this podcast for me because I needed it. And I think what I always needed and what I still need are really just to see stories from people, who are older than me, who are doing things and moving and shaking and, you know, creating and changing and growing and all the things, so that I know that I can continue to do it for the rest of my life.
So sometimes I'm like, should I be talking more about the age factor or is it just as valuable and useful to just hear these stories of, people changing and growing, from generations older than me or listeners or whatever.
And I don't know what the answer is. I'm still figuring this out, I do have a question that I was going to say. It was, how does age affect how you make decisions now
When I was first, like getting sober, all that kind of stuff. I was in my mid forties, mid to late forties. Now, I'm 59 years old and I don't understand that because I feel like I am 29 years old.
Like, my, my heart, my body, my soul, my brain, the things that I do, all the people that I hang around with are at least 20 years younger than me. , I'm single. And so when I date, I never date anybody that's close to my age.
People are always making fun of me because they're like, you're a cougar, which is not, that's not what this is all about. I have better, connections with people who are a lot younger than me. I can feel their soul. I can feel their energy matches mine. So my friends, all of my friends are in their thirties to their forties.
There's this lady, she's a tattoo artist and I wanna say she's like 105 years old and I wanna look like her and be like her when I'm her age cuz she is just the coolest person ever.
Like, she's full of tattoos.
And she's got all of these wonderful wrinkles on her face and when she smiles, there's just accountants about her. Like, that's my goal. I had a great grandmother that was like 103 when she passed away.
So my, there's longevity on one side of my family, and I feel like if I take care of myself, I can have that longevity. But then I'm also thinking about like, , we're not promised anything. Like, it could have happened when I was younger. It should have actually happened when I was younger that I should be dead, but I'm not.
So right now, my, my thing is that I have to just do everything that I can right now. My best life ever.
I've also wasted 47 years before I got sober, so, you know, I missed all that time. I had a lot of fun. I spent a lot of money. I drank a lot of drinks, I ate some good food. But now I'm present, and I'm enjoying things, like I travel all the time.
I've traveled by myself. I help other people at their restaurants. I'm always busy and I love it. I love, love, love the life that I have. And people are always saying to me, why don't you slow down? You know, like, you should take more time for yourself. And I'm like, do you not understand all these things that I do actually love to do them?
It might look like hard work to you, but for me, this brings me joy. I'm gonna continue to do whatever brings me joy every single day of my life. So my decisions are different, yes, but they're different because now I feel like, um, not, not that I shouldn't do it, that I should do it.
This is what I'm always fearful of. Is that if I don't say yes to something, that that is the one time that I missed out on that extra special opportunity to have met somebody who changed my life in some form or fashion, or I changed their life or that moment in time. Because really it's just all moments, right?
So now, instead of saying no to things, which many older people will do, like, oh, I can't do that.
I'm too old, or whatever. Instead I have a resounding yes for most every single thing because I don't wanna miss out on it. What happens if I miss that one moment in time? One moment.
Yeah. When we first talked, you told me you wanted to live to be 103 like your grandmother,
and you also said that you feel like you're living the dream right
now.
I'm, I am I, I understand. Like right now, I got the chills cuz I just talking to you and, and hearing about my own life, man. I wanna be friends with me. . I just wanna be friends with me because I have so much fun all the time. I wanna enjoy everything. I don't want for life to pass me by at all.
I love that.
Clearly you're very busy and you are, feeling a lot of success from a lot of different things. When we first spoke, you said to me, something like, I'm not special. Anyone can accomplish the things I've accomplished. And I'm curious to someone listening out there who's inspired by your story who maybe doesn't know where to start or doesn't have the confidence, what's one or two steps they can take to get on track to, to building something or doing something of their dreams.
So first thing I tell everybody is to do it scared. You just have to do it scared. You just have to be scared and you just have to do it anyway. Like that, that feeling inside of you, that adrenaline that you have from the fear is what should drive you. And then you do it and then you realize, wow, that wasn't that bad.
You know, like either flops or it works. And usually it works because usually if you want something, you have the power to get it. , you have absolutely have the power to get it. You just have to get it. I know that sounds so basic and it sounds like, well, I don't, I don't even know what that means.
I don't even know how to make that happen. Just fucking do it. Scared. That is my, like my greatest thing when I think that I can't, I just do it scared every single time and then I just wait for it to shake out. And then either like somebody directs me in a different way.
Like, man, that's a great idea , but let's work through this together and then maybe somebody can help me to, make it really work. But if you're afraid of something, you just, you have to do it. You have to fucking do it.
It's for you, it's all there. It's all fucking in front of you. It's just like you have to reach for it and grab it. But, you should probably, you know, maybe do some breathing exercises or, you know, like , center yourself, meditate. If you want something, find out about it. Be curious. Absolutely be curious.
Write down the steps. Write shit down it. It doesn't matter what you write. No. Perfect order. Just write what comes to your head. Write it down. Be curious about it. Figure out a way to make it happen. Like what works for you, like in your own daily life, like whatever it is that you wanna do, how could you fit it in?
Do you have the time? Like examine it, be curious. And then when your curiosity has been satisfied and you say, I'm ready, do it. Don't sit around away. Don't think about it some more. Just, just act on it. But be curious and then act.
Yeah, and I would add, I'm always saying this, but I would add like find your support system. Find your team of people
who are going to be there when you're like, I can't do this and it's hard and I should quit.
But if you're, curious and you start speaking to people, you will have a team of people because then people are like, oh, that sounds cool. Like, yeah, I, I've thought about that. Or find people that are like-minded , or just talk to anybody about like, Hey, I was thinking about this thing.
What do you think? I'm trying to get everybody's opinion on it. Do you have a second for me to ask you a couple questions? And as your curiosity unfolds, the people will start surrounding you like that. Your people will become your people.
And then you have this support system.
Yeah.
Would you please introduce yourself again, but this time how you identify yourself in the world.
Okay. I'm Joanna Rosari and I am curious. I am empathetic. I am loving, caring, kind. I am funny. I am happy, I am joyful, and I am free.
📍 What an inspiration Joanne is. Am I right? Talk about doing things scared. Knowing values and stepping into worth. As Joanne said any one. Have you can do what she's done. If you're feeling inspired to get support, to make your change, direct message me on our Instagram. Paige at, I am this age underscore podcast with your email address. And I'll send you the link to set up a free discovery coaching call to start you on your change journey. We can't do life alone.
Alone. We are not supposed to do life alone. What a relief, right? Thank you to david Ben- Porat. Not For sound engineering dan davin for the music david harper Her for the artwork i am This age is produced by jellyfish industries i'm molly Sider Until next time take care 📍