Dave Wilson, AKA Sober Dave, takes us through his journey from drinking a liter of vodka every night to getting sober and climbing mountains and all the ups and downs and how he got through. If you need some inspiration to get you over the “dry January” finish line, if you’ve been “sober curious”, or if you struggle like Dave, this episode will make you feel so much less alone! *Not to be confused with David Wilson of @oldscoolmoves from a previous episode.
Dave Wilson, AKA Sober Dave, takes us through his journey from drinking a liter of vodka every night to getting sober and climbing mountains and all the ups and downs and how he got through. If you need some inspiration to get you over the “dry January” finish line, if you’ve been “sober curious”, or if you struggle like Dave, this episode will make you feel so much less alone!
*Not to be confused with David Wilson of @oldscoolmoves from a previous episode.
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Are you a dry January observer? Or perhaps a dry January spectator? Because let's face it, January is cold and dark, and why would you give up drinking now? That sounds hard and boring and lonely. Well, dear listeners, if you fall into either of these categories, today's episode will either be the motivation you need to get you over the dry January finish line, or perhaps it will be the inspiration you didn't know you need to go dry now.
Sober Curious, this episode is for you. 📍 📍 📍 Welcome to I Am This Age, the podcast proving you're never too old and it's never too late, so go do that thing you're always talking about.
I'm Molly Sider, a certified professional life coach, storyteller, speaker, storytelling advocate, a bunch of other things. David Wilson, otherwise known as Sober Dave, is here today to tell you all about how he went from drinking a liter of vodka a night to getting 📍 sober and climbing two mountains, one in Morocco and one in Nepal, in the same year. He's also a sober coach and a podcaster, and he's going to spoil you with the details of his sober journey and how you can use some of his tools in yours.
Before we get started, please make sure you are subscribed to the show, and please share the 📍 podcast with two other people you think may also enjoy it. The more we grow, the more we can help you grow. Thank you in advance, you are an enormous help, and I love you very much. Okay, please enjoy Mr. Sober Dave.
Hi Molly, my name is Dave. Um, I'm currently living in the middle of England, uh, in a place near Stamford, and, uh, I'm a Subritian Mindset Coach
And how old are you?
I'm 59.
Used to be a very heavy drinker. We are talking a liter of vodka a night kind of drinker for many years. He worked as a handyman on a British reality TV show, which exacerbated Dave's drinking. So how did he go from alcohol dependent Dave to sober Dave? Well, let's listen and find out.
I was on a TV show called 60 minute makeover. That's pretty well known over here. And, uh, I worked on it for eight years. And previous to that, um, in my forties, I was drinking a liter of vodka every single night, uh, seven days a week.
And when I landed this job on the show, I thought immediately, how am I going to manage my drinking? When I got on the show, I realized that the drinking culture was quite big. after the show had finished. So you're right when you say I was a handyman on the show. I was known as Dave the Carpet because that was my industry.
And I used to do all the makeovers with the carpets and the wooden floors and that. And after the makeover was finished, we used to go to the hotel, sometimes have a shower and get changed and go to the bar, other times just go straight to the bar. And Yeah, it didn't change because I was really glugging them down and also used to hide a bottle or two of wine in my suitcase.
So if it was an easy one, as we called back then, where a few pints and off to bed, cause we got a big makeover the next day, I used to go back to the hotel room and drink the two bottles of wine as well. So it was crazy living.
I'm sorry. So that was in your forties, not,
yeah, in my late 40s and early 50s that I, I was on the show and it wasn't a full time thing. It was seasonal. So you would do say 30 makeovers over two months and then that series was done. And then I go back to my day job, which was running my carpet company. But you can imagine back then that, um, when they say functioning, I was barely functioning, but I was at least getting up for work and doing my day job.
But I always knew that I could get home and start drinking again. And there was never a time that I really ever thought about having a break or thinking I best not drink because I've got a busy day tomorrow. I'd just drink. It was part of life really for me back then.
It's the beginning of a new year and for many, including myself, it's dry January. Drinking is a normal part of so many of our daily routines, and dry January is considered a challenge for many people I know. It can feel like torture not to have access to a consistent and reliable part of your day. That is, pouring a glass of wine when you get home from work, or getting cozy at a bar with good friends on a snowy winter day.
For Dave, Not drinking for a day was unimaginable. Even when his doctor told him he might die if he didn't stop drinking soon, he still couldn't imagine life without alcohol.
My health had declined drastically through my 40s. In my, during my 30s, I was a pub goer until someone told me Basically, I looked terrible, right? And I started to get a bit paranoid. So instead of spending all my time in the pub, I went over to the off license over the roads and I bought some cider.
And then I realized actually, I could get more drunk indoors and not be judged. And that was the start of the decline because then I ended up not ever going to the pub. I would just stay in. And I put on a lot of weight Molly, like three stone
So for those listeners who are not in the UK, three stones equals about 42 pounds.
and I was making poor food choices and bad decisions. So I used to drink off the back of them as well.
And then I realised how much weight I put on. So I googled what alcohol was the least calories in and up popped vodka, which is crucial to what happened to me next. And I never used to drink spirits ever. It was always beer, like, or lager cider. And, uh, I bought half a bottle and drunk that in about 15 minutes, and I got an immediate buzz from that.
That was like, wow, this is great. And I'm not feeling bloated or any of that business. So then I went up to a bottle and drunk that. And then I thought, well, I get a liter and that lasts me two days, but it didn't end up lasting me one day.
Wow.
then eventually I ended up on antidepressants because alcohol is depressing anyway, but my whole life was chaos.
So no wonder I was depressed. Antireflux tablets because I had terrible heartburn, like literally my throat was on fire daily. Uh, my cholesterol was sky high. It was like nine. And my blood pressure was 186 over 140 or something. And that's when I went to the doctors for a checkup. they took my blood pressure and they said, it's quite critical.
I need to prescribe you some tablets to bring it down immediately. And then he started exploring my lifestyle. And of course I lied. I'm not, I'm not going to say, oh yeah, well, you know, I drink a litre to work. I said, you know, I'm drinking quite a lot. And he said, well, due to your cholesterol, blood pressure, your weight, you could, you're a ticking time bomb basically, and you could drop down dead.
Um,
And, but the thing is Molly, it didn't stop me. And I had what they call over here, which is a wellness. test, which is when you're, you have everything tested, blood, liver, and I thought, well, I'm going to get caught out for my liver here. They're going to find out the truth here and it come back. Okay. But instead of thinking, wow, that's a chance for me to move forward and stop drinking.
It actually encouraged me that I've got a way of it. And I thought, well, I can carry on then.
Denial, justification, and explaining away are common factors in even the lightest drinker's experience. I know heavy drinkers who get a clean bill of health from the doctor and see it as a pass to drink more. It's so common. It's so normal. I've even done it at times.
For Dave, things were getting worse and worse until one day when everything changed.
After a series of rock bottoms, terrible rock bottoms, I got a message from my friend Piers, he'd obviously seen what I looked like and how my life was and stuff. And it was the way he approached me and it was the serendipity of the timing as well.
He dropped me a text, now it was, I think it was a Monday and I was so hungover again. Here we go again. And I just looked at it and I thought, I wonder what he wants. And he said, Dave, can I make a suggestion? How would you like to join me for three months to stop drinking? And I burst out laughing. Because I thought I can't even stop for three days.
What's he talking about? But throughout the day I started to think about it. And I thought, I wonder how my life would be like, how my weight would be, how my health would be, my mental health, how It would be going to work without hangover, how it would be to be able to go out in the evening and not drink.
And there is like a lightbulb for me to explore that even more. So I text him and I said, are you in? And he's never in, he's just one of these blokes that's always doing something, you know. He said, Come and see me and I, and I went to his house and his wife opened the door and I walked in to just stand in there like Jesus, like it was weirdest thing, right?
And I looked him and there was just like a voice. Let's go. And I shook his hand. I said, let's do it. It was just so weird. And I haven't had a drink since. And that was five years ago.
Wow. Okay, so that's incredible. What a good friend. I'm so curious. What did drinking Do for you or why did you staRt?
started like a lot of us do as teenagers, you know, I was 14 my mum had left the family home and she didn't tell me, she just left a letter on the table, which was an absolute shocker for me. And shortly after that, my dad hooked up with someone, obviously now I'm older, I realised it was on the rebound.
And there was a bit of a thing indoors one night and he didn't defend me with her, the new woman, and I just felt completely alone and rejected, uh, and not wanted. And then the kids at the school didn't really have a relationship with because they were trouble. You know, there was always fighting and that.
And I was quite a shy kid, really. They come and knocked on the door and said, Do we all going up the shops? And I thought, I've got nothing to lose. I might as well. And I'd obviously sounds found some money down the side of the sofa or got it off their mom and dad. And they used to ask the grownups to get some Beers out of the off license.
So they said have one of these. And I had one, then I had two. And all of a sudden, I was funny. And I was confident. And I liked how it made me feel. And that's where it started. And, it carried on. But into my late 20s, alcohol's progressive, you know, the more you have, the more you need. And in my late 20s, I started going to a little local pub where everyone accepted me.
I was Dave the Carpet, like I was on the TV show. And they recognized quickly that I was a glugger. And I would glug the beers down really quick. I could have four or five pints easily in an hour. So they nicknamed me Glugs and it was like this handle that I got, which was I liked it, because I had a reputation for being the big, I walk in the pub and I go, Hey, Glucks is here, yeah, we're all going to have a drink,
you were, you belonged, you were accepted, that's just what we all want.
and it progressed and it progressed and it progressed and I realized all I was doing was numbing out and that's why I was drinking.
In the beginning it started as fun, gave me confidence but I realized I was numbing out because my life was a trail of disaster. I was like a Tasmanian devil going through my life. Um, string of relationships and poor decisions and sodded attitude. Um, and I was numbing it out, and then I realised I had a massive problem with drinking, so I was numbing that out on top of everything else.
After my first panic attack, for about three months or so, it took me that long to sort of completely calm my nervous system, like, I was always sort of on edge, like, oh, this could happen again at any moment, and I don't know when or why it might I don't know. And the thing that helped to calm my nervous system was to have a sip of alcohol, you know, like a glass of wine or something. I worked in the wine industry forever. I started drinking when I was a teenager too. I don't have, Like, what I guess you call an addictive personality.
I feel very lucky about that. it was the first time in my life, I think, where I really understood, like, Oh, this is actually why and how people become an addict. It's not because anybody's bad or they just, like, want to party all the time or, are, Unreliable or whatever it is, for some people, it's like the only way to calm the nervous system.
It's like
Okay, obviously, there are a lot of other things you can do, but when you're in a panic or some other emotional loop, the tools aren't always accessible, or perhaps you don't even own the tools yet. Feeling panic and sadness is so hard, so of course you'll reach for the fastest and easiest way to not feel those things in that moment.
It's a solution to the problem at the time. But it's only a temporary solution. And that's what I realised. That the numbing out would last. Where there was a bit before that I thought, Oh, I can have a drink soon. And that gave me a dopamine hit. Which helped to calm the nervous system down. Then I would have to drink.
And I would always pick the first one up, look at it and go, I love you. And then see you later reality, you can go and do one today. And then an hour and a half later, I was frustrated because I was already drunk. Uh, I become a keyboard warrior on my phone or the computer on socials and start getting irritable.
And then I'd have an argument with someone that hasn't said or done the right thing. Then I'll pass out and get rinse, repeat, rinse, repeat. And Gabor Marte is a brilliant man. He's got a saying that he says, not why the addiction, why the pain, right? And, and that could be from, you know, I call it little trauma, big trauma.
It could be something terrible's happened when you were a child, or it could be the fact your mum and dad never cuddled you, held you, tell you they're proud of you, or. Love you, you know, and that can be a running theme in your life
Yeah.
so It's and also there's the other thing that alcohol is a highly addictive drug that is promoted wherever you look It should be banned really.
No, it would be if it was invented these days So there's that side to it as well that you you get shamed if you say you're stopping drinking
Why do you think you said yes to your friend and not your doctor?
It was the way my friend framed it. And it was the time he did it. 7th of January. So I'd had the whole build up to Christmas. I'd had the time off work, so I was probably day drinking. I was sick to death, or feeling sick to death. And it was the beginning of the year, everyone was doing Dry January, and it was serendipity for me, it was just like, it, and, do you know what Molly, the interesting thing, I really always wonder where I'd be now if he said no I'm out tonight.
You know, because he was in and he's never in. But if he had just said, no, I'm not around, come and see me tomorrow, I bet I'd have drank and then I wouldn't have gone to see him the next day. So it's timing is, for me, actually, it was the timing was perfect.
Wow. What was the plan when you decided to start this three months of Sobriety? You
you have to fill the void, right? Because there's no good sitting there looking at the drinks cabinet thinking I can't have you. So we decided that, we was gonna get up really early in the morning and go on the, this thing called a turbo trainer which is like a rolling road. We, he had a spare one and I put my bike on it and we would just train for an hour every single morning and training first thing gave me the ability to not make poor food choices.
It, it started my endorphins off early and after a little while I started to feel fresher. Um, and I was starting to make better food choices. And I had to put in a plan for when I would normally drink, which was like their alarm bells going off would be half five or six when I get him from work.
You know, I've known big men. Scaffolders do knitting just to occupy their brain, do something with a hand to jigsaw puzzles, find something to take your mind off that nagging addictive brain of, you know you've been normally drinking by now and you're doing nothing you're really boring because that's always on your shoulder ticking away and the angel on the other side, yeah but you're doing so well Dave and You know, think about at the end of the three months, it's going to be fantastic.
Nah, nah, he's always drank. So I had to block out that addictive mind of mine, because it got the better of me. And after six weeks, I'd lost weight. I started to feel happier. My anxiety was down. So you talk about the nervous system. It was all beginning to align with me. And then I saw my pub that I would normally go to, right in the corner of the common where I lived.
And I stood there and I thought, I'm halfway. So what will I be doing in six weeks time? Will I be going in there and going, well, I've done three months. There's nothing wrong with me. I can moderate, which is a joke. So it was then after six weeks that I come to a decision. That was it because I knew that if I'd had one drink.
I'll be back to normal within two weeks, so I decided then and there, I said I'm done and that was such a pivotal point for me.
Wow. Within those first six weeks, what was your anxiety like? And how did you regulate it?
You've got to remember that I was on antidepressants and they don't work when you're drinking. So, I was depressed anyway, and that doesn't just go away. It was a combination of lots of things going on in my life at the time, but because my nervous system was balancing out, I was eating protein, I was exercising, my sleep was better, I was getting up with a better frame of mind, I had more energy, that all began to regulate my nervous system, and that made my anxiety less.
And that was one of the first things I noticed from stopping drinking was my anxiety going down because I was constantly, I was like a bag of nerves, constantly. And I think that's why I kept going to the doctors about my antidepressants because they weren't working at the time. But obviously I was fueling it with the booze.
That's so interesting. Did you have, were you going to like therapy? Did you have a coach besides your friend? Anything like that?
Yeah, so I've already been in therapy, um, with a brilliant man called Richard. But I didn't really tell him about my drinking, which was counterproductive really.
Isn't it amazing how much we lie to our doctors and our therapists? We
yeah but I felt the shame, I felt embarrassed, and funny enough, he's an addictive, he's a counsellor for addiction as well. And When I stopped, I came clean and I said, Richard, I've got to tell you something. I'm a month sober and I haven't been telling the truth. And he said, okay, that we can work on that.
I can't help but get a little emotional when I hear this part. We spend so much energy hiding what's really happening in our lives and in our brains and the stories we tell ourselves, and we do it because we are so afraid that if the world knew what we were hiding and what we were really telling ourselves, It would confirm our greatest fear, which is that we're bad
But when we become brave enough to share. And to share with someone we trust, like Richard, we get the support we've been needing.
and So I get emotional because it can feel so hard to ask for help. It can feel impossible to admit to people what's really going on. And it can feel so lonely and so scary. And yet the moment you find the courage to tell someone, you realize how kind and loving and supportive most people are and how you're never alone in your emotions, whatever you're feeling, most likely someone else in the room is feeling too, or has felt at some point in their life.
And that's not a minimization of what you might be going through. It's just a reminder that whatever you might be feeling is normal and there is help and support out there. You just have to ask for it.
And even now, five years later, I check in with him and we'll have four or five weeks of therapy. I think it's fantastic. It helps put me back on track. At the time, it really helped support me with. Childhood stuff, you know, mum leaving, that made me feel I had a string of other things happen in my life growing up.
We started to work on because I had more clarity then and I could focus on it and also I wasn't blotting it out after the session by drinking. I could process it properly, but what I was doing before was hearing it all. Going home, getting drunk, and then it would just all get pushed to the back again.
So, it was a completely different level of therapy once I'd stopped drinking.
Did you ever have any thoughts around your age? Like, what's the point of getting healthy now?
Yeah, it's I was telling myself that I've been doing it for years now, so there's no change in me and whatever. But I thought, I'm not an old 54. I looked old because I was overweight and haggard and, but I thought, you know, I could have potentially, Another 30, 40 years on this planet now.
And what quality of life do I want to spend that? Because if I carry on the way I am, I'm going to be dead easily by I'm 60. And I've got a beautiful son. How would that make him feel? And where's the self love? If I don't care whether I'm here or not, what, what's that all about? And I realized that the years and years of drinking had completely stripped me of any self esteem, any self respect, self love.
I just didn't like myself because who I've become and I thought, God, what a gift life is. And that was part of my light bulb moment of I can turn this around at 54 and by 60, my entire life could be different. And well, that's next year now. And this year alone, I've climbed the mountain in Morocco. And I've climbed a mountain in Nepal.
In this, within the last six months. And it's not, I must make it clear. It's not all about climbing mountains. It's about living your life to how you want to live it. And whether that's just sitting there embracing nature or doing a course or taking up yoga, whatever it may be, it's gotta be better than just looking at the floor.
Constantly when you're in that spiral of drinking.
Okay, so how does a person slingshot from almost dying of alcoholism to climbing two mountains in a year?
Well, that didn't happen overnight, Molly. I mean, what happened in the first year, this whole cycling thing, my mate, Piers, who suggested the three months, he was doing a London to Paris bike ride. And I've always been a avid cyclist. Even when I was drunk, I did the London to Brighton still drunk and I went over the handlebars and cut on my face open because the bikes in front had stopped and I was just still drunk and I didn't see it.
Wow.
But I said to him, well, can I do it with you? And he looked at me and he thought, obviously, well, hello, you reckon? But I trained and in that first year I did the London to Brighton, London to Portsmouth, London to Paris on the bike. That's the first stage. And then I trained to be a grey area drinking coach.
And I had already completed some counselling courses at college. And so I was concentrating on educating myself again, because when I left school, I left with nothing. And then I brought out my podcast, then I started writing a book. And then once that was all done, I then thought, Hmm, I wonder what's next.
And this opportunity came up to do the Mount Tobacco. And I was petrified in a way,
because it's like, Javier, you're
amazing.
Yeah, I've, I didn't, I didn't climb all the way up, but I did a,
Base camp.
I did like a, yeah, we stayed in what is it? Imlal. Near Tubkal or basically at tubkal call. I might be saying that little. area wrong, but we stayed and then we did like a guided tour, an all day guided tour around the mountain area there.
It was stunning and gorgeous. And also, the hardest hike. They were like, you'll be fine. It's not that hard. It's like medium, like intermediate. I mean, I almost fell off the side of a mountain. Like, it was so hard, but it was incredible.
Anyway, go on.
Say it the same here, but it, so it was a progression and it was almost like all I've ever done for my holidays is lay by a pool, get drunk. So, this opportunity came up for Tubkal, and again, it's like medium fitness, well, it nearly killed me. It was so difficult, I mean, getting up at 2 in the morning on the summit climb, and it just went on forever.
But what was interesting about that, it snowed for the first time for 38 years, but heavy snow, it's really deep.
Wow.
really deep and I kept looking up at the summit and I thought I'm never going to get there, but then I went back to basics and my guide in front of me, his boots were going one step at a time.
So I thought all I've got to do is concentrate on his boots and they will guide me to the top and that's what I did. And I got to the top and I thought, ah, it's done now. Well, the, the climb down was even harder. It was, it was a nightmare. And then I said, I'm never doing that ever again. And a week later, I'm looking at the Thurong Pass in Nepal, which is even higher.
It's a thousand meters higher. And I come back from that about two months ago and I thought, right, do you know, I don't need to do that anymore. I've done that. Uh, and what year it's been ups and downs, but I don't know what's next, Molly, but that's the joy of it. I'm fit and well enough to look at a future where before I couldn't even see him past a bottle of vodka.
That's the difference.
It's incredible.
Are you still working as the carpet handyman?
No, so I qualified as a grey area drinking coach, which is middle lane drinking. It wasn't where I got to it, but it's, you know, to explain it a bit, it's if you don't drink every day, but when you do drink, you binge, or if you do drink every day, it might be a couple of glasses of wine or a couple of beers, but it affects your sleep and your anxiety.
Or if someone said to you, just stop then, and you go, I can't do that. We're all in that trap, right? And I always say, if you want to know if you've got a problem with drinking, just stop for a month and see how you feel about it. Also, if, can you have one drink and then have a cup of tea? Because there's an answer, because a lot of people can't once they have a glass, they want another one, then another one.
So I do that and uh, I'm a qualified mental health first aider. I'm a mindset coach. I'm an author. I wrote my book, which went to number one. Uh, and of course, like yourself, Molly, a podcaster, you know, I do weekly podcasts about sober journeys and stories. I'm a speaker. I've run courses, I've got groups, group coaching.
So that actually got so busy that I actually gave up my career. 40 years of being in the carpet game, which I would never have known at 54, like a complete career change as well. Uh, I've moved. It's just everything. There's virtually nothing. In my life now that I had when I was drinking, virtually nothing is completely changed.
And that's not all just happened to me. I've made things work. But it's because now I'm doing what I want to do rather than thinking this is all I can do because I don't know anything else.
Yeah. That's amazing. And how are you feeling these days? Like, how's your health? Silence.
I genuinely feel great. Um, and I had a bit of a cold the other day. It was like a one day thing and I thought, God, I feel like rubbish. Because I can honestly say, every day I feel, I wake up, I have a nice bit of breakie, walk my little dog, and I just feel great. And I don't know how I did it before, that's the thing.
I just think, Molly, that I love athletics and I used to look at these athletes and think, God, if I could be transported into the body of that person just for five minutes to see how they would actually feel, that would be amazing. And now I think the opposite. I wonder how it'd feel to go back into my body when I was drinking and I'd wake up three o'clock in the morning with Still drunk but my anxiety was literally coming out of my ears.
Not being able to get back to sleep. Worrying about driving in the morning in case I got pulled over. Worrying about knocking on the door and the customer opening the door and I stink of booze. Worrying about a tricky job. It's the opposite and quite often that happens when you get sober. Everything is the opposite.
else you want to share about your experience? Transcripts
think Especially for people of a certain age where you feel like you're stuck in your ways, it's really important to acknowledge that change is so
Transcription
got a drinking problem but you feel like you're not doing enough exercise, there's an app called the Couch to 5K that you can start.
jogging for one minute walk for one minute jog for one minute and you could build that up if you're worried about weight start changing your eating routine join the gym or or get a hobby revisit your old you can definitely change your life we don't get to an age where we feel like we're stuck in a rut we can change it but you have to want to change To make that difference and I like to be that example to people that, as I say, it's not all about climbing mountains.
It's about living your best life and being the best version you can of yourself. And that is achievable by taking small steps in the beginning and think right. For me, it was like, you don't drink today. Put your head on the pillow and that's another day and a bit like that guides boots this one step at a time will lead you to the top, you know, and You look at the quality of life you can have if you make these changes you don't have to just get old and Unable to do things you can change your life
We're here already. We're at the part of the conversation where I ask Sober Dave to reintroduce himself without using descriptions like coach, father, etc. For those who are new around here, I ask this because I want people to begin to think about themselves separate from their successes, their failures, and their titles.
Because we are not those things. We are why we choose those things, we are what drives us, and how we want to show up day to day. And if we can get this down, if we can figure this out, then we can apply who we are to literally any scenario, and we can start living with intention. And you know what else will happen?
You'll start to sleep a whole lot better. And you want to know how I know this? It's because I've done it myself. So, here's what Dave said.
so yeah, my name is Dave and I'm 59 years old. Thanks. And I'm hoping from this interview with you, Molly, that my story has been inspiring and enough for you to want to explore change in your life as well.
Well, we'll get him next time.
Where can people find you?
And you again on my 📍 socials, Instagram, @ soberdave.
Sober Dave's story is so inspiring and exactly what I needed to get me through the end of my dry January. So thank you, Sober Dave. And thank you to Dan Davin for the music, David Harper for the artwork.
I Am This Age is produced by Jellyfish Industries. I'm Molly Sider, your host. Thank you for tuning in, stay curious, and catch y'all in two weeks.